Theodicy
by Kristonio
Summary: God's Justice" After suffering the transformation alone in the Arizona desert, Bella must find the strength to go on with her life. Wrestling with existential questions, she makes her way across the country to Forks, hoping to discover normalcy.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: As a theology student in graduate school, I think I have wrestled more than the average person on existential and religious questions. Sometimes the issues can be so esoteric, I would hesitate to bring them up as polite conversation at a cocktail party. However, after working in a hospital as a chaplain, talking to patients and families of the sick and dying, I realized that all kinds of people wrestle with issues like, "Why am I here?" "What is my purpose on this planet?" "Is there a God" "If there is a God, why is life so crappy?" I don't really have the answers to these questions per se, but I am hoping that through this Twilight fanfic, and Bella and Edward's amazing relationship and personal histories, to wrestle honestly with these issues.

Having said that, while I have my own particular faith and beliefs, it is NOT my intention in this fanfic to evangelize, proselytize, preach, or convert anyone to Christianity or any other religion. What I do hope to do is to explore how Bella and Edward come to find peace and resolution with the questions of theodicy. Feel free in your reviews or messages to me to offer your own thoughts on what has helped you deal with grief and suffering.

Ok if you made it through that long A/N, I know you're on board with the story! Hope you enjoy it!

-Kristonio

Theodicy

It's only been in recent years, after reading the works of famous philosophers and theologians, that I have discovered the term 'theodicy'. Turning the pages of their dust-covered tomes, flipping through ponderous paragraphs, I have picked up their own kind of jargon. Theodicy is a term they coined in the 18th century and it literally means "God's justice", signifying the centuries-long quest to understand why there is evil in the world.

On the day that I died, I didn't know anything about theodicy. All I knew, after the pain of watching my mother slaughtered right before my eyes, and the terror of suffering the transformation alone, was that God had some explaining to do.

God, who was supposedly benevolent and all-powerful, let me suffer that day that my heart stopped beating and the blood ceased to pump through my veins. God, who was supposedly merciful and gracious, let that monster with the terrifying red eyes destroy my mother, her life-force drained out of her in mere seconds.

I had never really considered the problem of the human soul before that day. What sixteen-year-old sits around contemplating existential questions like that anyway? But on that unforgettable day, I realized that it wasn't a philosophical or religious question; watching my mother die, the light dim from her eyes, and her body fall slack in the arms of her killer, I realized I did believe in the human soul, because I watched it fly right out of her body.

The day that I died began in an unremarkable way. It was June after my sophomore year in high school and Renee and I were in Flagstaff, having driven there the day before, in order to attend a large art and craft show. As flighty as a bird, Renee had heard several days before on the car radio about the event, and had arrived home announcing her intention to go and "poke around" the place and that I should go with her. Being my mother's best friend, as well as her daughter, meant that I at that point in my life, was used to her sudden whims. Only the month previous it had been salsa lessons at a local club. Two months before that she had signed us both up for evening Cantonese classes at a local language center. I was thankful that at least this planned adventure would only entail a short road-trip north and forty-eight hours bumming around booths of clay pots, woven baskets, and amateur oil-paintings.

As I predicted, the art and craft festival was fun, but nothing very memorable. Renee had a blast, however, and told me at least five different times of her intention of taking up pottery as a hobby once we got back home. Perhaps the only significant moment of the whole day, however, was Renee's reaction to a local Mexican-American woman selling hand-made crucifixes and rosaries. Apparently something caught her eye, because she stopped, stared for a good five minutes at everything on display, carefully handled several items, and impulsively plunked down a ten-dollar bill, buying one of the rosaries. I didn't say anything at the time, merely raised one eyebrow at her as she turned away from the booth with her purchase, but I brought it up once the day was over and we were back in the car on the way back to Phoenix.

"So…rosary beads Mom?" I asked casually.

Renee laughed. "Well, they were beautiful, and I just had a…feeling...you know?"

"No, I don't know," I replied. I didn't necessarily doubt the power of intuition, but my mother's actions often defied logic entirely. "You're not Catholic Mom, in fact a year ago you were buying statues of the Buddha to put around the house and meditating in our backyard."

"That's true, but you know what they say, "It's not which boat you're in, but that we all get to the same place eventually," Renee answered back in a sing-song voice.

"I'm pretty sure a lot of clergy-people from various religions would disagree with you on that, but that's beside the point. What kind of feeling did you have?"

Renee looked a little uncomfortable. "Oh well, I guess I just felt that you can never be too careful you know?"

"So you want to use it like an amulet? I don't think that's how Catholics use the rosary," I laughed.

Renee frowned. "Don't laugh Isabella. I just had a feeling that you might need them, so I bought them for you. That's all."

I was stumped. For me? I never prayed. I certainly wasn't going to start saying Hail Marys and Our Fathers anytime soon.

Renee reached around into the backseat with one arm, keeping her left hand on the wheel, and after a brief search, grabbed the small plastic bag containing the beads and dropped it in my lap.

"Thanks Mom…" I trailed off, not knowing what else to say. Reaching in the bag, I took out the prayer beads and examined them closely. They were well-made, a hand-carved crucifix hanging from the end on a long chain of wooden beads. Not knowing what else to do with it, I simply hung it around my neck like a necklace.

Renee glanced over at me and smiled in simple, child-like happiness. "Check your backpack as well," she said, indicating the bag I packed with reading material for the trip. It also contained road maps (a hard lesson I learned earlier in life from a previous road-trip with Renee), a water bottle, a first-aid kit, and a few other supplies. Curious as to what she might mean, I gingerly picked up my bag and unzipped the biggest pocket. Lying right on top of the rest of my novels was a book I didn't immediately recognize.

"What's this?" I asked, picking it up and looking at the front cover. The Holy Bible. What! "Um Mom? Did you steal the Bible from our motel room and put it in my backpack?" I asked, thoroughly confused.

"Yes dear, I just had a feeling you might need it at some point," Renee replied back simply.

I was so dumbfounded that I merely stuffed the Bible back in my pack, knowing that I wouldn't be getting much else of an explanation out of my mom for her bizarre behavior.

After that awkward moment, the miles between Flagstaff and home in Phoenix flew by, the desert around us changing color as the sun began to set on the horizon, casting the landscape around us in hues of red and gold. A little over halfway there, Renee piped up, saying that we weren't going to make it all the way back without filling up the gas tank. We weren't near any towns, still being at least twenty miles north of New River, the closest bastion of civilization, so Renee took the next lonely exit off I-17, pulling into a poorly lit gas-station about a mile away from the highway. I felt nervous about this location, but Renee seemed oblivious, happily going about the business of filling up the tank after swiping her credit card. I opened the passenger-side door, climbing out to stretch my legs. Don't ask me why I did it, call it inherited intuition from my mother, but I impulsively grabbed my backpack, cinching up the straps so it securely rested against my back. It's not like I had anything in there that would protect me from the unforeseen, but I felt a false sense of security with something covering my back, as if it might shield me from view from something lurking out there in the shadows.

By that point, the sun was steadily sinking lower in the west, and I nudged Renee, hoping that she could speed up the process a bit so that we could climb back in the car and get on our way. There were no other cars in the parking lot, but a glance through the window of the store front revealed shadows moving back and forth before my eyes. At that moment, the pump dinged, signaling a full tank, and Renee grabbed her receipt.

As if they had timed their exit to match ours, the door to the store suddenly swung open, revealing a man and a woman. What happened next occurred so quickly I have trouble remembering what exactly happened first. All I can recall is that I caught a brief glimpse of the smirking face of the devil himself, a demon straight from hell looking at us as if we were the lunch special; his eyes were ruby-red.

Before I could blink, he had somehow flown across the distance and caught my mother around the waist, the other hand clamped down on her mouth to keep her from screaming. Renee's eyes were wide with fear and confusion, and she struggled futilely against his iron-clad hold.

The strange woman, the demon's companion, was plump and short, yet beautiful to look at. She was quickly by my side, catching my left arm in an inhumanly strong grip.

"Well well well, Cariña, what do we have here? You just had your dinner it seems with the store clerk and look what comes to find us? The second course!" The man leered at my mother's exposed neck, slowly licking his lips.

"Get on with it Daniel. You know I don't like it when you play with them. You are too sadistic for my tastes," replied the woman with a slight Spanish accent.

The man took no notice of his companion, addressing himself to my mother's jugular vein which was pumping at a furious rate. "Elena my mate doesn't think it very nice to prolong feeding. She thinks it's cruel. I however like to savor my meal. I am more of a connoisseur than she. Anticipation makes for half of the enjoyment after all…"

The woman he called Elena frowned at Daniel, but did not intervene again. Meanwhile, I stood petrified, my eyes glued hypnotically to the terrifying scene before me. Adrenaline was coursing through my bloodstream and my mind was starting to shut down. What logical reasoning parts of my brain that were still functioning managed to process that these two were not human, that my mother and I were in mortal peril, and that there was nothing I could do about it. We were alone in an abandoned part of the desert, it was nearly dark, and there was no way I could fight off or outrun these monsters.

As if in slow motion, I watched Daniel lean close to my mother's neck, his demonic red eyes alight with pleasure. His lips connected with Renee's flesh, almost in an intimate kiss, but I saw Daniel's throat swallow intermittently, and my mother's struggles slowly ceasing. Her eyes never left mine. Not a minute later, I saw the light in them go out. The body of my mother slumped in Daniel's arms and he turned to place her in the driver's side seat of the car.

"We'll have to destroy the evidence of course. Feel like staging a car wreck my Cariña?" Daniel asked light-heartedly.

The woman, Elena, shrugged in apathetic agreement.

At that moment I heard screaming as if from far away and my heart almost burst from my chest in the hope that someone else was in the area, someone who could help me, help Renee. It was only when the woman Elena shook me violently that I realized that I was listening to myself scream hysterically from the shock of what I had witnessed. She quickly clamped her other hand around my mouth to muffle my shouts of terror.

"Ahh, time for dessert I see," Daniel said, licking his lips salaciously. "She smells delightful I must say."

Something clicked inside of me and I began to struggle in the woman's arms. While her grip tightened, keeping me from moving very much, somehow in the struggle, the rosary beads swung around my neck, the fading sunlight glinting off the high-polish of the crucifix. Daniel continued to approach me slowly, but Elena gave a gasp and loosened her hold somewhat.

"Daniel! She's wearing el rosario!" Elena exclaimed.

Daniel was standing not two feet in front of me, but he stopped, a look of annoyance crossing his face.

"Not this again…Elena darling…you're not really going to suggest we let this one go just because of your misguided superstitions are you?"

"I don't care Daniel! I say it can do no good to kill this little one when she's marked by God."

Daniel scoffed. Before I could blink an eye, he had seized my left wrist and bit down on my arm, taking a long draught of my blood before holding it under the nose of the woman holding me from behind. I screamed in pain behind the hand holding my mouth closed.

I couldn't see Elena's face, but she began to tremble behind me.

"Can't you smell it Cariña? She's delicious! Don't you want a taste?"

With an obvious amount of struggle, the woman behind me wrenched the two of us back several steps away from Daniel.

"No! I won't let you change my mind Daniel. We are letting her go, and if she dies, then so be it, but if God wants to save her, then that is good too. I will not have St. Mary angry with me because I killed her little one wearing her rosario."

And with that, Elena gave me a shove, pushing me towards the desert behind the gas station. Turning my head in confusion, I saw her holding Daniel in her arms to keep him from following me.

"Go little one! Run!"

She didn't have to tell me twice.

In the hysteria of the moment, my body reacted on its own, my legs carrying me through sagebrush and around boulders as fast as humanly possible, all while my brain screamed at me to turn back, to go back to Renee. Tears streamed angrily from my eyes, I gasped for breath through my open mouth, and I clutched my wounded arm to my chest, the blood continuing to ooze down my arm. Only God knows how I managed to make it away from the scene of my mother's murder without once losing my footing, but sometime later, I spotted a large collection of rocks in the fading light. I literally collapsed once I reached an outcropping on the far side of the boulder, and I laid there in the dirt, sobbing inconsolably, mucus, spittle, and blood sticking to my face and the front of my clothes.

"Mom! Mom….O God, Mama!" I cried over and over again.

I slowly came to my senses when I realized my arm was on fire. I turned my head, expecting to see my flesh aflame, only to realize it was something inside me that was causing this incredible pain. Remarkably, the bite-wound on my arm was closing right before my eyes. I may have made it away from those monsters, but the terror was returning again full force as I realized that I had been infected somehow.

While I gazed dumbfounded at the rapidly healing wound, the horrific scene at the gas station played out in my mind again. Super-human strength. Glowing red eyes. Blood-suckers.

"Vampire," I whispered out loud.

The burning had spread up my arm to my chest, and with a final scream of pain, I lost consciousness.

It was twilight.

When I remember my transformation, I wonder how I didn't claw my own body to pieces, such was the pain radiating out through every individual cell. This must be what it feels like to burn to death, I thought. I was convinced that my flesh must be cooking, turning black and cracking from the intense heat of the flames.

The pain was so intense, I felt it threatening to wipe away who I was, burn away all my memories. I don't know how I found the strength, but I gathered all my thoughts and feelings together as one would grab their most treasured possessions from a burning building, and I retreated to the furthest corner of my mind to hide from the pain. I took all of who I was, and clung to it desperately, in hopes that the fire wouldn't destroy my very soul.

There was no concept of time during my transformation, but on some level I think I knew that there must be an end. I held on to this irrational hope, and it kept me sane when otherwise the pain would have driven me to madness. Finally, after an eternity, I felt the flames recede, and my heart burst from my chest.

Giving a great gasp of air, I opened my eyes and looked wildly around me. I immediately regretted that decision however, as I was bombarded by stimuli from every corner. A barrage of new smells, sounds, and colors burst into my brain in a painful array. I quickly shut my eyes and clasped my hands over my ears, waiting for the world to stop shifting and turning.

Slowly, ever so slowly, I cracked open one eye and stared at the ground in front of me. Never had dirt looked so interesting before. I could see every individual grain of organic matter and mineral. The light from the rising sun brought out colors that I had never dreamed existed. Slowly turning my gaze, I focused next on the overhanging rocks granting me shelter, then the bush four feet away, and finally the horizon.

I must have sat there in the dirt for at least an hour, taking in everything around me, because when I finally came to my senses, I could see the sun higher in the sky than before. I tentatively crawled on my hands and knees out towards the sunlight, leaving behind the shadows of the boulder. As I stretched out my hand into the sun, I was shaking for some reason, as if I somehow knew that I was about to witness the unreal. Sure enough, my hand shined, literally sparkled in the sunlight. I quickly jerked my hand back into the shadows.

I had no idea what was going on, so I collapsed into the dirt, sobbing once again, releasing my confusion and frustration at my situation. Suddenly the pieces of my life started to fall together again, and a host of memories and feelings came flooding back to me from where I had kept them preciously stored in my subconscious while the burning consumed my body.

Renee was dead.

The red-eyed monster killed her

He bit me.

Vampire.

Because it was the only thing I could do, I started laughing hysterically, a feeling of pure mania consumed my brain. I was a vampire. I was crazy. Renee was dead.

That sobered me up and I abruptly stopped laughing.

My mind drifted for hours after that, running around in circles. I would see the gas-station scene again and again, seeing Renee die before me. I whispered the word, vampire, in my mind, but it wasn't sinking in.

What was I going to do now? I briefly thought about trying to find my way back to the gas-station, but I cowardly could not return to the scene of the crime. The logical part of my brain also told me that the two culprits had most likely staged that car wreck by now and Renee would be surrounded by police and ambulances. I couldn't show up like this, like a monster.

So where should I go? Could I go home to Phoenix? And do what Isabella, sparkle in the sun and suck your neighbors and classmates dry? Alright, that path didn't make any sense. As quickly as I dismissed that idea, I realized that that was exactly what I wanted to do. I wanted to go home, to bury myself in my bed, hug my stuffed animals left over from childhood, and forget that this waking nightmare had ever happened. I wanted my Mama. I started sobbing again.

Another hour later, I started to gather my strength back. Ok, so I couldn't go home to Phoenix. I couldn't go to the police or the hospital because I was now a member of the living dead. That would go over well, I thought, imagining the general public's reaction to my sparkly state of being.

So where could I go? I didn't have any friends, and I certainly didn't have any family around….

Like a flash of lighting in the night, I thought of Charlie. My dad and I had never been close, but at this point, with my whole world fallen down around my ears, I felt that throwing myself in my father's arms and sobbing for help was my best option.

Without thinking, my body sprang up from the ground, acting almost on its own, and I suddenly found myself running at least fifty miles per hour across the desert, the skin of my arms poking out from my short sleeves sparkling in the desert sun. With the sun still rising in the sky, I angled myself away from it towards the north west, and sprinted agilely around rock, cactus, and bush.

If you've never been to Arizona before, I highly recommend that you go sometime during your lifetime. There's nothing more amazing than to see the expansive desert stretching as far as the eye can see, the gorges and plateaus rising higher than any skyscraper against the backdrop of endless blue skies.

I noticed none of this as I ran wildly through the wilderness. The beauty of the world around me held no significance for me. I once heard that for cancer patients who have only recently received their diagnosis, part of their mental and emotional transition involves a narrowing of focus; all the rest of life's clutter falls by the wayside and only that which is most important remains. I could relate. Even though I wasn't facing the end of my lifetime per se, I had the same kind of blinders on. Nothing else mattered except getting to Charlie. A bomb could have gone off right beside me and it wouldn't have altered my course one foot.

Considering I was racing through the desert at inhuman speeds, not needing to breathe more than normal and no blood pounding through my veins, I should have been more amazed by my physical transformation. I should have been systematically testing what exactly being a vampire entailed, noting the differences and experimenting with my new-found abilities. The truth is, I was in such denial, my grief and fear was so palpable, that I couldn't focus on anything else except reaching Forks.

Vampires don't tire, so I must have run a hundred miles before any thought of stopping occurred to me. Really it wasn't because I needed a break, but because the wind whipping against my face suddenly carried an interesting odor that filled my nostrils and set my already parched throat aflame.

Instinct caused me to stop my approach and swiftly duck behind a rock for cover. I scanned the nearby horizon and spotted what was tempting me away from my ultimate goal. While it hadn't occurred to me at the time, looking back on it, it was foolish of me to expect that I could run all the way to Washington State without once coming in contact with another human being. While the western half of the United States is amazingly empty compared to the east, there were any number of small towns, ranching communities, Native American reservations, and campers in between me and my goal. I must not have been that far from civilization because my vampire eye-sight spotted an off-road SUV and a small tent about two miles away. Obviously some adventurous outdoorsmen were enjoying the state's scenic beauty.

I was about a nano-second away from charging the tent and ravaging its occupants who smelled better to me at that moment than any gourmet meal did during my lifetime, when suddenly the wind shifted, taking the scent of their blood with it. Clarity instantly dawned on me. I had almost murdered people in cold-blood.

"Oh God oh God oh God…." I murmured to myself. I almost slaughtered innocent people the same way that monster did to my mother. Filled with horror, I quickly held my breath and sprinted to the west away from the campsite. When I was far enough away that I wouldn't be tempted again, I collapsed once again into the dirt, sobbing my heart out for this hopeless situation I was in.

How was I going to live with Charlie if I couldn't be trusted around blood? An even more horrifying thought suddenly occurred to me. In order to survive, would I have to kill other people? The idea was so shocking, my initial reaction was that I would starve, no I would throw myself off the nearest cliff, before I resorted to sucking people dry. The gas-station scene played again in my mind with perfect clarity and I hung on to my human memories tighter than ever. I may have been turned into a freak of nature, but nothing would force me to become a demon like Daniel, sadistically torturing my mother before finally succumbing to temptation.

I laid there amidst the bushes for many minutes, when a rustling nearby caught my attention. "Please, let it not be a human…." My nose twitched as I cautiously sniffed the air, fearfully wondering what it might be.

I could smell what must be blood, because my throat once more caught fire, but it smelled different. I could detect an earthier tone to the smell, not nearly as appetizing as the floral scent of the humans. I noticed a heart-beat to go along with the smell of blood, but it seemed like it was pumping faster than what was normal for a human.

With unnatural grace and agility I slowly rose from the ground and sneaked a glance through the sagebrush. There, lying nearly hidden from view under a particularly shady bush, was a small cat with tufted ears and a twitching tail. Too small to be a mountain lion, I guessed it was a bobcat.

The burning in my throat was near unbearable at this point, and liquid pooled in my mouth grotesquely. Was I actually lusting after this animal's blood? It was an interesting thought. I had certainly eaten meat as a human, could the blood of animals substitute for a human's? At this point, nothing I knew about vampires could help me, as the myths about sleeping in coffins and burning up in the daylight seemed to be false. Figuring the death of this innocent bobcat, while regrettable, would be worth it if it only made the burning stop, I let my instincts take over, and sprung silently upon my unsuspecting victim.

Before I could even think about what I was doing, I had the cat in my arms, its claws uselessly raking against my stone-like flesh, and its blood was pumping into my mouth. I swallowed. Huh. It certainly cooled the burning, but it was a bit like eating the asparagus on your plate when what you really craved was the plump steak soaking in its own juices.

The bobcat was a small creature so I only had about ten swallows before I felt it run dry. Inexplicably, I felt myself start to cry tearlessly again as I realized I held the corpse of a beautiful dead animal in my arms. I had never felt this way during my human life about the countless chickens, pigs, and cows that had been sacrificed to feed my hunger, but cradling the dead cat like a broken doll brought back to me the violence of my new existence. Despite my grief, I still felt a degree of triumph mixed in with my swirling emotions. I had done it. I could survive without murdering humans.

I delicately laid the motionless cat down on the ground beneath the bush, stroked its fur a few times, and then resolutely turned away, back towards the north-west. I ran a few more miles before deciding to break for awhile and come up with a game-plan for the future. My victory over my bloodlust for the humans and my recent discovery that I could survive without killing was causing me to hope more than I had since my transformation that I had a future, and it would be possible to return to some kind of normalcy.

First things first, I needed to decide how I was going to gain some self-control so that I could meet Charlie and give him the hug I so desperately needed. Would it be possible to inoculate myself somehow against the smell of humans? I wasn't sure. I supposed I could hang around their scent for awhile and see if I got used to it. However that plan had obvious dangers to it. Suddenly I thought of Elena, who had held me captive in her arms but had resisted the call of my blood pouring down my arm when Daniel had bit me. She was a habitual killer of humans I was sure and yet she managed to say no. I didn't want to over-rate myself, but I figured that my conscience gave me a bit more of an edge over her.

So was there a way I could get near enough to smell people without attacking? Maybe if I stuffed myself with blood beforehand I wouldn't feel as tempted to snack on humans. I was sure they would still smell incredible, the same way dessert after a huge dinner still looks appetizing, but a full stomach would give me the resolution I would need to resist.

It was at that point that I noticed that the burning in my throat which had been temporarily assuaged by the cat had returned full-force. I might as well begin the experiment immediately. I closed my eyes and let my sense of hearing and smell reign free, taking in the environment around me. Instinct took over once again, and I rushed wildly through the brush, catching a deer by complete surprise. Ugh, this was worse than the cat, but I drank anyway. Three rabbits, one elk, two coyotes, and one wild pig later the burning finally stopped and I almost felt sick with how full I was.

Ok, so that took care of that, so next I needed to decide how best to approach people without bringing too much notice to myself. I looked around helplessly, wondering where exactly I was. Was I really going to run all the way to Washington? I had money in my wallet, I supposed I could find the nearest town and catch a Greyhound bus, but somehow the idea of being locked inside a confined space with humans sounded like a bad idea. Well, I wasn't getting tired at all, I only needed animal blood to keep me going, so I might as well travel on foot all the way there. The idea sounded insane even to me, a blood-thirsty vampire. But I didn't have any other options, so that settled that.

I hadn't noticed before during the confusion of the moment, but I took quick stock of my appearance and realized I was filthy, I had blood and debris stuck to my torn clothes, but miraculously I still had my backpack cinched tightly against my frame. Amazing. Through the struggle with Daniel and Elena, my escape through the desert, my transformation, and my cross-country run, it had remained tightly secure without me ever noticing.

I swung the pack around and looked inside. Eureka! I had forgotten about those maps I had tossed in there for the road-trip with Renee. Thinking about my mom had me morose again, but I unfolded the maps anyway and took a long look at Arizona. Considering I had seen those campers and that I had been running consistently north-west for the whole day at speeds of a car on a highway, my best guess was that I was somewhere in the Prescott National Forest, still south of highway 89 since I hadn't yet crossed any roads. I had been fortunate to have run straight into the National Forest when I took off running in the first place, ensuring little contact with humans and plenty of wildlife to satiate my thirst, but looking at the road ahead I realized I would have to be very careful as there were several small towns that lay straight in my path. Ok, I decided I would continue moving in the right general direction, and when I got close enough to any houses or settlements, I would approach cautiously, sniffing the wind and testing my control. It was incredibly risky, but with my goal of Charlie firmly in my mind, I knew I had to give it a try. If I backed down now, I condemned myself to a pointless existence, roaming the wilderness and feeding on animals, cut off from all human contact.

Looking again at the map, I realized that while I had been smart running in a north-west direction, if I followed that line without turning for hundreds of miles, I would end up in Las Vegas. Woops, that seemed like the worst idea ever. Actually, once I thought about it, it seemed like that would be the perfect place for vampires to haunt, hiding in motel rooms during the day and stalking drunk tourists stumbling out of casinos at night. But I wasn't one of them, so I would need to avoid Sin City at all costs. So once I crossed highway 89, I would turn north, cross interstate 40, run up through Utah avoiding the major cities in the south-west corner of the state. Then, crossing Interstate 15, I could keep to the western half of Utah running north and staying away from Salt Lake City by turning west, crossing Interstate 80, and running into Nevada and then Idaho. My map of the United States indicated that Idaho apparently was a really empty state, so I figured the best way to stay on course would be to loosely follow the Snake River. I assumed by that point I would have had enough opportunities to become inoculated against the smell of humans, so I could stick closer to the towns and cities that lay close to the water. Staying with the river would take me further north along the Idaho-Oregon border but eventually would dump me out in the south-east corner of Washington State.

By the time my finger traced its way to Washington, I sat back on my heels, a bit stumped. I wasn't sure how to proceed after that. I could stick close to one of the two interstates which would take me to Seattle, but did I want to stay that close to civilization? My clothes were a mess and I was on foot, so even if my blood-lust were under control, I wasn't sure I could blend in very well. At least I wouldn't have to be afraid of being attacked, either by bears or strange men who waited for young women hitch-hiking along the road. I was stronger and faster than anything else out there, and the only things I had to fear were others like me.

Deciding I would make up my mind about Seattle once I got closer to the Pacific Northwest, I folded my map and stuffed it securely in the back pocket of my dirty jeans for easy access. I decided next to rummage around in my backpack and see what other supplies I had on me. First-aid kit. Well that was pointless as I remembered back to my bite-wound that had healed on its own. Looking down at my arm, I could see I would forever bear a scar there. Opening up the first-aid kit, however, revealed a generous supply of wipes intended to clean skin from blood and debris. Taking several of these out of the kit, I used them as best as I could to clean my face, neck, hands, and arms from the tell-tale signs of my adventure in the Arizona wilderness.

Looking down at my shirt, I saw there wasn't much I could do about that, but I realized if I wanted to get close to humans, and risk being spotted myself, I would need to acquire some kind of long-sleeved shirt, maybe a hoodie to cover up not only the rag I was wearing but also my sparkling skin.

Replacing the first-aid kit in my backpack I shuffled things around, looking to see what else was in there. I curiously took out the water-bottle, daintily taking a tentative sip just to see what would happen. After swallowing, I promptly coughed it back up. The water had done nothing to ease any of the burning in my throat and had merely irritated the flesh of my esophagus. So that was useless. Looking back in my bag, I found some granola bars, also pointless, as well as several of my favorite novels. Finding those made me smile, but considering I was on a mission to both control my blood-lust and get to Charlie in Forks, I figured I would be doing little reading on this trip.

Finally, I pulled out one last book, the one that Renee had surreptitiously placed in my backpack. What had she said? "I just had a feeling you might need it at some point…" What the hell was I supposed to do with this Bible? Was it supposed to give me some kind of answers? I was pretty damn sure it wouldn't contain a vampire guide-book. Suddenly, I was irrationally angry at my mother. How dare she put this stupid thing in my bag! How dare she give me that rosary and keep me from dying with her! How dare she die in the first place! Burning up with rage, I gave into my feelings, and chucked the book as far as I could into the desert. From what I could see it sailed far and away across wilderness, finally disappearing from view. I was impressed with my strength, but instead of giving me a release and making me feel better, I suddenly felt even worse. Even if that stupid book couldn't give me any answers, it and the rosary that still hung around my neck were the last things my mother had given me. Filled with remorse, I slung my backpack over my shoulders and took off in the direction I had thrown the Bible.

After several minutes searching, my keen eyes spotted the red cover lying in the dirt. I gingerly picked it up, noticing that the pages had fallen open. I scanned the page, my eyes instantly glued to the heading above one of the passages. The book had fallen open to chapter four in Matthew and in italics above one of the paragraphs it read "Jesus is Tempted by Satan in the Desert"

I dropped the book in surprise. Suddenly it dawned on me what I had just read and I started laughing hysterically. In the past I had never set much store in organized religion, and as for my own personal spirituality, I had given that even less thought. I had prayed as a little kid, like many kids are taught to do, but in recent years had given it up and never thought about God, gods, fate, angels, devils, or the afterlife. But only days before I had stared into the eyes of one of Hell's own creations. My mother had been taken from me, would I ever see her again? If God did exist, why the hell would he let something so shitty happen to my mom and me?

I picked the Bible back up and quickly read the whole story, comparing Jesus' situation to my own. I wasn't the supposed son of God, but I certainly was wandering in the wilderness, resisting the temptations of the devil, though Satan didn't exist outside of me, but was inside of me, burning my throat and whispering in my ear to give in and taste the satisfaction that pumped through the veins of the humans around me.

I had no guarantees that God existed, and no assurances even that this religion was the right one if God did exist, but still, I whimsically decided I had nothing, absolutely nothing else to lose, and so I prayed.

It wasn't the greatest or most eloquent prayer ever conceived, and I mentally stuttered in my mind several times, and even stopped in the middle thinking what I was doing was stupid and irrational, but I got through it. I asked God, or whoever was listening, to help me through my struggle with temptation, to see me through my journey through the wilderness, to keep Charlie safe in Forks, and most of all to care for my mother's soul, wherever she rested. After mentally scrolling through my list of wants, it suddenly occurred to me I was being pretty cavalier in this prayer, treating God like a divine vending machine who just waits around in heaven for someone to talk to Him (or Her???) and then dispenses a response in an organized fashion. Feeling guilty for demanding so much, I cast about wildly for something to be thankful for. Thank you for Charlie. Thank you for wildlife I can feed on. Thank you for…my life…such as it is.

And with some clarity, I realized I was thankful for being alive…sort of. I wasn't suicidal, I didn't want to die, and so escaping the clutches of Daniel and Elena, even though it had unexpected consequences, felt like a true second-chance. I would be sure not to waste it.


	2. Chapter 2

"Alright Bella, you can do this…just take your time and don't do anything too quickly…"

I was standing on the outer limits of the city of St. George, Utah, hiding behind yet another rock outcropping, trying to build up the courage to crawl closer to a lonely ranch-style house about a mile away. I couldn't smell any humans near by and there were no cars standing under the car-park next door. Next to the house was a large barn and a silo, plus acres of land giving home to various types of cattle. The only odor on the wind that had drifted to my nose thus far was the horrible stench of cow dung. Considering I had indulged in a second blood-feast an hour ago, catching more wild-life to quench the burning, the smell of animal feces from this farm was turning my stomach, making me gag a little on the liquid in my mouth. I figured this was the best chance I had of resisting the smell of humans. I hoped that the absence of any cars, with all the lights off in the house, meant that no one was home, and that I could quietly break into the house, take in the smells of human habitation, and maybe even steal some extra clothes.

I didn't feel good at all about what I was proposing to do. I was risking anyone who might potentially be home and I was also violating the law by breaking and entering. I would be sure not to tell Charlie about this part of my cross-country adventure.

The sun had long ago set in the sky, and I had been surprised to realize while the light was gone, I could still see for miles around me, noticing the same amount of detail. If it weren't for the whole blood-sucking part of the deal, I would feel like some kind of super-hero with amazing super-powers.

"Ok Bella, keep it together…you can do this!" I gave myself the final pep talk, looked left and then right, then started slinking forward, ever closer to the ranch house. I wouldn't put it past anyone living on a farm outside of town to not have a guard dog, so I sniffed carefully, checking for any signs of life, either animal or human. So far so good.

It wasn't until I was practically on the front doorstep when I caught my first whiff of human activity in the area. Up until that point the wind had been blowing away from me, allowing me to get closer to the house than I anticipated. A sudden gust of air in my direction, however, changed all that, and I was inhaling the sweet fragrance of human blood. It was strong, but I couldn't hear any heartbeats in the area so I rightly assumed no one was home. Looking down at my hands, I could see that I had involuntarily clenched them tightly into fists, trying to hold onto my control. Every impulse within me wanted to tear the house apart, lick the floors, walls, and furniture, even roll myself in that scent so that it would never go away.

Ugh, what was I? An animal? Well I supposed in many ways I had turned into a wild beast. Now it was time to see if the beast ruled this body or if the rational part of my brain was in control.

I was shaking from the effort to remain calm, but I hadn't blown a gasket yet, so I crept closer and grasped the front door handle.

I hadn't had much of an occasion to test my own strength, so I startled myself when instead of turning, the doorknob merely crumbled to dust in my palm. Damn! How was I supposed to give Charlie a hug when I apparently crush metal with my bare hands? Alright, along with the blood-lust problem I would work on controlling my strength.

I pushed the front door lightly, and was relieved that it didn't splinter, but merely groaned in protest before the deadbolt snapped. The door swung open and I fell to my knees from the wall of scent that hit me like a tidal wave. "Ughhh!" I quickly held my breath before I lost my mind and went bezerk in these poor people's home. I think I stayed in that position for a good ten minutes before I got a grip on myself and tried taking in another gulp of air. The second seemed just as hard as the first, so I quickly held my breath again and tucked my hands under my armpits to keep them securely wrapped around my body and not clawing at the floors and furniture like a demented wildcat.

Another ten minutes passed. Another gulp of air. Repeat.

After half an hour I noticed that even though I was shaking with the effort to remain calm, and the burning in my throat was just as intense, I didn't feel like running rampant in the house anymore. Getting back up onto my feet, I still kept my hands close to my body, but I started breathing normally.

I wandered around the living room, taking stock of the furnishings, and noticing the smiling faces in the family photos. Oddly enough, seeing the people in the pictures actually helped me in my control, making the family more real to me instead of thinking of them as anonymous temptations.

Not wanting to overstay my welcome in case anyone was due to return soon to the house, I wandered back into the bedrooms, gingerly opening closet doors and bureau drawers. Considering I was in a ranch house on a farm, it was no surprise to find at least twenty flannel shirts. I grabbed three, putting one on and stuffing the other two in my already full backpack. Just for good measure I also snatched a winter hat I found lurking in the back of a closet as well as mittens. It was the middle of the summer, but when you sparkled in the sunlight, you could never be too careful in covering up.

Having gotten what I came for, I exited back out the front door, pulling the door back into its frame. The owners would obviously notice that someone had broken in, but at least my conscience was clear that all that I had taken would be unlikely to be missed. As I raced away from the house, I made the pleasant discovery that the flannel shirt I wore still bore the smell of humans, and that I would be able to use it for at least a little while to keep my tolerance levels high.

I retraced my steps back to the rock outcropping which sat up higher than the surrounding ground on a hill, and I looked around to try to get my bearings. While the advantage of nightfall was that I didn't have to fear being spotted by my sparkling skin, I had no obvious way of navigating without the sun. Wait…people have been using the stars for centuries to find their way, maybe I could do the same. I looked up at the night sky, but the pin-pricks of light didn't tell me much. Then I remembered that really I only needed to find one star, the North Star, and I could follow that the rest of the night, crossing I-15. After that, I shouldn't encounter much the rest of the way through Utah and the Salt Lake Desert. Ok, so was the North Star the brightest star? No, that wasn't right. With that logic I'd be more likely to follow a satellite. I must have done a good job holding onto my human memories during my transformation, because suddenly middle-school science class came back to me and I remembered that one needed to find the Big Dipper which would help me find the Little Dipper. In the Little Dipper's handle should be the North Star.

Feeling rightfully pleased with myself, I scanned the sky until I found the star I was looking for, and started running in that direction. Sure enough, I soon heard the unmistakable sounds of cars on the freeway. While still in Arizona, I had crossed I-40 without too much trouble, my unnatural speed ensuring that I appeared as little more than a blur as I crossed between a large gap of traffic. I was fortunate enough at the time to discover a part of the interstate where there was a bend around a large cliff-face, so the curve of the road kept drivers from far away from noticing me running across.

I wasn't so fortunate here. Maybe if anyone caught a glimpse of me in their headlights they would think I was a deer? Yeah right, a deer in red flannel. Ok, I could still make this work. This wasn't rush hour traffic out of L.A., I was in southern Utah for God's sake. I could bide my time and wait for a break in traffic like I had in Arizona. Sure enough, after a large semi-trailer went by, the oncoming headlights in either direction were far enough away that I was sure no one would notice me scurrying across the asphalt.

I had just reached the other side safely when I heard a chorus of raucous laughter off to my right side. I glanced nervously in that direction, but all I could see was an abandoned car on the side of the road. The smell of human blood, however, was fairly strong, as if someone had been in the area not that long before. Was a group of humans nearby having a party in the middle of the desert? That didn't make any sense. My instincts told me I should just be on my way north, but curiosity got the best of me and I crept forward over a small hill to see what, or who, waited on the other side.

To my surprise there were two men sitting around a small campfire, laughing and joking. One even had a harmonica with him and in between laughs was amusing the other with wild melodies. I would have thought they were human, but my vampire eye-sight quickly took note of the speed of their movements, the ruby color of their eyes flashing in the firelight, and the two corpses lying face-down in the dust beside them.

This wasn't good. They were surely just as fast and strong as I was and I had no idea if they were friendly or hostile. I should have followed my instincts and kept moving.

No sooner had I come to that conclusion then the harmonica-playing vampire happened to glance in my direction. His eyes quickly dilated and he arose swiftly into a cautious crouch. His companion reacted instantaneously, also ducking forward, sniffing the air to try to identify my scent.

"Who's there? Show yourself!" The first vampire barked harshly.

Not knowing what else to do, I shakily walked forward, stepping out behind the hill which had served as my observation post.

I'm not sure what I expected to happen next, but it certainly wasn't that the two male vampires' faces would light up in delight, their eyes shining like red Christmas-tree lights in happy surprise.

"Well well WELL! It's a lady!" cried the first vampire rapturously.

"Mon Dieu! And she is tre belle!" chorused the second.

They both continued to stare at me up and down, not making a move or saying anything else for at least a minute.

I stood, shocked, not knowing how to react to such obvious enjoyment at my presence. Did they mean me harm? They weren't going to…violate me were they? My only experience with other vampires so far had been far from congenial, so I had no idea what to expect from strange vampires. Was there any particular etiquette that was called for that might allow me out of this bizarre social situation?

The first vampire finally seemed to collect his wits and slowly, yet confidently approached me with his hands held up in front of him in the universal sign of non-aggression.

"Pardon me, Miss. Don't know where my manners went but you just took me and Antoine here by complete surprise. We'd be very happy if you came and joined us for a bit, you know, sit a spell and shoot the breeze. It's been a long while since we come across any other nomads wandering around these parts so it'd be mighty fine to have some company for a while."

This vampire who was creeping forward in my direction seemed amiable enough, in fact, he was a very handsome man, appearing to be in his late twenties. He was wearing a dirty white undershirt, scuffed up blue jeans, well-worn cowboy boots and hat, and a leather belt with an enormous silver buckle. He looked like he just finished a long day's worth of chores out on the ranch, but his red eyes and pale skin told a different story. He was tall but had more than his share of muscle-mass, filling out his shirt and jeans in such a way that would make any cowgirl swoon. But could I trust him? Looks can be deceiving and I had every intention of trying to make a break for it at the first sign of trouble. My eyes twitched briefly to my left and right, cataloging possible quick escape routes.

This stranger was very observant and quick off the mark, however, seeing my eyes dart around, because he immediately stopped his approach, waiting for me to become accustomed to his presence.

"Easy now girl, I don't mean you no harm. No one's gonna touch you I promise. How 'bout you sit on the far side of the fire and me and Antoine will sit on the other. That way, if we so much as put a toe out of line you can race back the same way you came."

I was hanging in agonizing tension, my flight or fight response system going haywire in my brain. At that point, the second vampire, Antoine, who had been raptly watching the scene in silence, finally chimed in with a heavy French accent.

"Please, Mademoiselle, you would not deny me the honor of your presence surely? For look! I have only this silly Jed here with me to keep me company. Sit sit mon petit! For I am sure that you will amuse me very much. I wish to listen to your story!"

His argument offered me no assurances, and yet, something about his manner and tone of voice was so persuasive that I found myself relaxing, slowly gliding forward to take a seat on the ground on the far side of the circle. As soon as I started moving, the cowboy began backing off slowly to resume his own position next to Antoine.

"That's the ticket Miss! No need to run off quite yet. The night is young! But before we get to your story, let's do this thing right." The cowboy doffed his hat, ducking his head gallantly in my direction. "The name's Jedidiah Cover and this here is Antoine Prideaux."

"Gah! You know I cannot bear to hear you say anything French with that accent, it is enough to make all of my ancestors weep! Wild men from the American mountains were not meant to speak the Gallic tongue!"

"Oh shut it Frenchie, like it doesn't pain me every time you open your mouth and don't use the English word. La corde, la selle, le cheval!"

"Stop stop! No more! Do not abuse my language! If I use the French word it is because I cannot remember what the thing is in English!"

"You rotten liar! You have lived in this damn country for one hundred years! You expect me to believe you haven't heard the English word "horse" not once while you've been here?"

I might have thought a fight was going to break out if it weren't for the fact that they had obviously had this same argument many times before. I wasn't sure if I could trust them, and yet I couldn't help myself and started laughing at their antics.

The two others joined in with me when they saw me relaxing.

"Ahh mon petit, you are even more beautiful when you smile!" exclaimed Antoine.

If I had still been human I'm sure I would have blushed beet-red.

"Stop Frenchie, you're making her uncomfortable. Now Miss, might we have your name?" Jed asked gently.

I shifted a little in my seat, not sure how much information I wanted to give these strangers. Finally deciding they couldn't do much with just my first name I simply replied, "Bella."

"Lovely!" sighed Antoine dramatically. "I once knew an Isabella living in Montmarte in the commune there. She was Italiana of course but had run away to Paris to live the life Boheme with us artists. I think she was part Romani like me on her mother's side because she danced the bolero with more fire and passion than any other woman I had seen before and…"

"Enough Antoine enough!" Jed interrupted. "I thought you said you wanted to hear Miss Bella's story! Besides, I'm not sure that discussion was quite appropriate for all of the present company…"

"Bah! For a wild man you are certainly more prudish than I would have expected. There is no reason to be ashamed of one's passions! Take the bolero for example…"

"No we won't. Miss Bella doesn't want to hear about your times spent with foreign saloon dancers. You don't hear me offering up anecdotes about the taverns and bars I've haunted throughout the years."

At this point I thought it prudent to interject. "How old exactly are you two? You don't seem very modern to me at all."

"Ah very observant of you Miss Bella! Truth of the matter is that I'm a right old one and Antoine here is no spring-chicken himself. But let's hear your tale first my fine girl. Where did you spring up from?"

My smile fell quickly from my face as the gas-station scene, my transformation in the desert, and my lonely journey north flashed again through my mind.

"There's not much to tell really…"

"Now I don't believe that for a second, but it obviously ain't comfortable memories so we'll just leave it be for now," Jed replied softly. "Let's start with your age then. That's harmless enough."

"Well, I mean I'm sixteen…"

"You were changed sixteen years ago mon petit?" asked Antoine.

"Oh no I mean I am…well I was sixteen…but four days ago I was…you see there were these other two and…well I woke up yesterday," I finally stuttered incoherently.

My companions stared at me incredulously.

"Mon Dieu! It cannot be true Jed! She is not a bebe for she sits there so calm and quiet! And with corpses nearby and she is not mad with lust!"

Jed looked at me carefully, scrutinizing my facial features and body language.

"I know Antoine, I can't believe it either, but she's telling the truth. She's not lying."

"But are you so sure Jed?"

"Of course I'm sure!" snapped Jed, "You know what my gift is. If she were lying I would know."

I felt very uncomfortable with what I was hearing. It seemed that these two expected me to be rampaging around the desert, slobbering wildly, and pouncing on anything that moved. Was that how most new vampires acted? These two were certainly acting human enough, but Jed had alluded to the fact that they were at least a hundred years old. Somehow my mind couldn't quite wrap itself around that fact, and yet here they sat talking about events from a previous century as if they had only happened yesterday.

"Well you must forgive me mon petit for not believing you, but you know it is incredible, absolutely unthinkable that you are only two days old at most and yet you are in complete control of yourself. I have never heard of any such thing before in my entire life!"

"Huh…well, I mean the transformation was very painful of course, but I woke up and all I could think about was my…my…"

"Yes mon petit?" asked Antoine curiously.

I couldn't help myself. They may have been vampires who had recently murdered innocent people, but they were both being so kind to me, and I was utterly alone. The lines between right and wrong started to blur before my eyes. I had been so sure when I woke up that vampires were demons from hell and that I was being so righteous in denying myself. I still believed that killing was wrong, but now I couldn't be sure that vampires were necessarily evil after all. The thin cord holding my self control together finally snapped and I buried my face in my hands, sobbing loudly.

"Oh, I just want my Mama! And she's dead and I'll never ever see her again!"

"Mon Dieu! What has happened to this poor child? I am so so sorry mon petit! Do not cry Cherie! Jed? What shall we do?" I heard Antoine ask worriedly.

"I don't know Antoine," replied Jed helplessly.

I looked up at the pair of them through my hands and couldn't help but choke laughing a little at the puppy-like sadness on their faces. It seems even vampire men were baffled when confronted with feminine tears.

I slowly calmed back down, hiccuping a bit before I finally regained control of my breathing.

"I apologize. I normally don't break down like that. I hate crying, but my emotions have been so far out of my control since I woke up. And I've been alone the whole time, so your concern just caught me off guard."

"Well uncontrollable emotions is more like newborn behavior I'm familiar with so don't apologize for that Miss Bella. But what's this about waking up alone? You mean to say your sire didn't stick around? Just abandoned you? I've heard of it happening before of course, but most turnings are fairly deliberate."

"Oh no, the two that I had the misfortune of running into definitely meant to eat me. In fact they…" My hands clenched into fists and I felt myself shaking with rage. "They killed my mother first. He slaughtered her! Drank her right before my eyes and I watched her soul leave her body! If I ever meet that monster again I will personally tear him limb from limb!"

"Woah there Miss Bella! Try to stay calm if you don't mind. I understand it's a touchy subject but I don't want to have to wrestle you to the ground if you lose control…"

I took a few more calming breaths until the shaking stopped.

"Amazing, Jed! Did you see how she wanted to go insane with the rage but she held it in? I have never seen the like…" Antoine sighed in disbelief.

"I know Antoine, I know. But Miss Bella, let's go back to what happened if you don't mind. You mean to say that a vamp was gonna eat you but you got away?"

"No…I…this is hard to talk about but…the man, Daniel she called him, wanted to eat me last because I smelled so good, but Elena, that was what he called her, saw that I was wearing my rosary and she said that they should let me go because I was marked by God. Daniel looked annoyed with her and bit my arm trying to tempt her to eat me. It didn't work and instead she sent me running into the desert while she held off Daniel. I ran and ran until I fell down under the shade of some boulders and then I lost consciousness."

I had been staring down at my hands through this painful recitation of my recent history, but looking back up into the faces of my companions, I saw them sharing a poignant look full of unsaid meaning.

"What? You don't actually know them do you?" I asked angrily.

"Keep your shirt on Miss Bella, I mean don't blow a gasket ok? Antoine and I have been around the west for awhile now, I've been here even longer than he has, and we have run into our fair share of wandering nomads. I do recall a Daniel and an Elena last time I was in New Mexico, but that was ten years ago and they were heading south of the border. I seem to remember though that Daniel always liked to play with his food. Most unfortunate really…"

"So that's it huh? My mom was just 'food'? In fact I bet you think it's even funny that he messed around with us beforehand! I mean you two just sit here as calm and happy as you please telling jokes and singing songs while the bodies of two innocent people just lie there in the goddamn dirt! How dare you!"

Silence rang out around the campfire. I was suddenly a little afraid I had pushed them too far and they might retaliate, but part of me didn't care anymore. It felt good to get that off my chest, to explode at someone. They really were hypocrites trying to comfort me and butter me up with compliments, acting genteel, all the while their latest kill laid there unceremoniously decomposing on the ground. They weren't evil. But they were callous and thoughtless, which almost seemed just as bad.

Antoine very smoothly stood up, walking around the other side of the campfire where he slowly picked up the bodies and carried them off towards the direction of the abandoned vehicle I had spotted earlier.

I almost felt like I should apologize for my rudeness, but I honestly felt too self-righteous at that moment to give in.

"Well Miss Bella, now it's my turn to offer you the apologies. We never should have pried into your business like that. And you're right about the bodies. Antoine and I…well it's just been a very long time since anyone has thought to question what we do."

I nodded jerkily in Jed's direction, my breathing still coming in angry pants. Meanwhile Antoine returned and resumed his seat around the fire.

There was an awkward pause for awhile before Antoine finally broke the silence.

"Mon petit…I must ask you another delicate question for Jed and I are concerned for you, you see. Have you…eaten…at all since you woke up? You must be very thirsty."

I held my head proudly at that. "Yes I have eaten. I'm quite full actually."

"Do you feel guilty then? Is that it? I must admit that's a new one for me, but you are very unusual so I wouldn't second guess anything about you," Jed replied.

"No you misunderstand. I haven't had a single drop of human blood, I haven't touched anyone," I stated smugly. "I was alone in the desert and my throat wouldn't stop burning. I smelled something nearby and went to investigate. I found a bobcat lying under a bush and I could smell its blood, so I thought I would give it a try and see if it would work. And it has! I've had all kinds of things since then like elk, wild pigs, deer, coyotes…I'm looking forward to getting further north and finding bear in the mountains. I figure that will be an experience, wrestling a grizzly to the ground."

The guys' jaws dropped in utter disbelief.

"I have never…in all my years…heard the equal to that," murmured Jed incredulously.

"But mon petit! You smell like a human! How is it possible you did not eat someone?"

"Oh you mean this shirt I suppose," I replied thoughtfully. "See I'm on a mission to see if I can…inoculate myself against the smell of human blood. I don't want to be a nomad forever so I thought if I could build up my resistance I might stand a shot at living in a city." I didn't want to tell them about my idea of going home to live with Charlie. Since they had reacted so strongly thus far to my story, I could only imagine the discovery of my future plans would knock their socks off. "Anyway, when I got close to St. George a few hours ago, I found a house on the outskirts of the city that looked like no one was home. I broke in and got used to the smell, then stole a couple shirts since the clothes I'm wearing are in such a bad state. It was really hard at first smelling the humans that had been living in the house, but after an hour or so I could stand to breath regularly. I felt like tearing the house apart at first though."

Antoine held a hand to his forehead and started mumbling rapidly in French. Jed just shook his head back in forth in disbelief.

Finally Jed started laughing, holding his sides and slapping his knee. "Well I'll be damned if you're not telling the truth little Miss! You are a right special one alright! I've heard rumors of course of vamps trying to live off the blood of animals before but I thought it was just legend! Then you, a newborn no less, go and blow everything right out of the water!"

Before I could react, Jed had zipped at inhuman speeds around the campfire and picked me up in a bone crushing hug.

"You are just the cutest, most unexpected thing I've met this whole past century!" He crowed while taking a hand and mussing up my hair affectionately.

"Gah! Personal space issues! Personal space!" I started hollering despite the fact it felt nice to get a hug from someone. Hadn't I been craving one from Charlie since I woke up alone in the desert?

"Sorry squirt! You are just too adorable to resist!" Jed fired back as he released me from his strong grip.

I was suddenly annoyed. "What did you call me?"

He started laughing again.

"You heard me darlin' and even though you are a newborn and have the strength of the devil in you, I been around this world so long I could put you in a headlock in under a minute!"

I started laughing back. "You know, I'm sure you could! Not that I want to test my luck or anything."

I took my seat again in the dirt and looked up curiously at Jed. "How old are you?"

"Ahhh, I was wondering when we were gonna get to my story," he sighed in satisfaction returning again to his side of the fire.

"Well the long and the short of it is, darlin', that I was born in Missouri in 1837. My brother Thomas headed out west first to Wyoming and then Montana, a prospector following the gold trail. Well he struck it big in the southwest corner of that territory and so what do you think I did but left home of course to go out and join him in the growing boomtown of Virginia City. I got there in 65' right at the height of gold madness in that area so I never struck it rich myself. But I sure did have a hell of a time playing poker! See, I was a pretty talented card-player during my life, cause I was always good at readin' people. You know, spottin' their tells. I know if anyone is lying to me right away. Made a small fortune in the saloons but made even more enemies. I probably would have ended up at the other end of noose or blown up in the back from a pistol if it hadn't been for Amabel." Jed sighed sweetly, thinking about his past girl.

"So what happened?" I inquired curiously.

"Oh, well, Amabel was a…well…there's no nice way to put it so I'll just say she was fond of…male company. Turns out she was a vampire of course, but before I knew that I used to visit her in the saloon and watch her…well…anyway, I used to visit her," he stumbled in embarrassment.

"Ah so prudish isn't he, mon petit!" laughed Antoine gleefully.

"Am not Frenchie, I just remember the manners I grew up with thank you very much! Anyway, Amabel turns out traveled across the west form boom town to boom town, making use of the violence and the lawlessness to cover up her kills. She also liked them for the entertainment they offered her in the form of rough and wild men. She took a fancy to me, could see that I was talented and thought it would be a shame to drain me dry when I might make such a promising companion. Of course I didn't know it at the time, I was merely flattered when she invited me up to her room and…well I'll let you infer the rest. I woke up three days later in the mountains where she had brought me secretly in the middle of the night to wait out my newborn hysteria. After a year, we moved on from there to nearby Nevada City, and then when I was finally under control, followed the gold trail yet again out to Idaho. We finally split up around 1900 when most of the boom towns out west were over."

"Wow, so you're…over a hundred and sixty years old!" I exclaimed shaking my head in astonishment.

"That's right darlin' I'm an elderly man in comparison to you," he winked flirtatiously at me.

"So why did you and Amabel part ways?" I asked curiously.

"Ah well…she was a fine companion most of the time, but she had sired me so she thought that gave her the right to lord it over me all the time. I lost my temper frequently with her, had a spat of rebelliousness, and decided to hit the trail and make my own way in life. Seems fairly juvenile now when I look back on it, but I was young. She understood and our split was entirely amicable," Jed laughed sheepishly. "Now Antoine here! While I don't hold with foreigners usually, when I met this fellow, I couldn't help but stick around with him! Maybe you noticed when you first got here, but he has a special talent of his own…"

"So vampires can have more than just supernatural speed and strength?" I asked incredulously.

"Certainly! We bring with us into death whatever we had with us in life, only magnified a bit. Antoine here was always a very persuasive mortal, so he's down right impossible to say no to when he puts his mind to it now!"

"So you mean to tell me I sat down here instead of running away because you put a spell on me?!" I exclaimed angrily.

Antoine had the good grace to look a little ashamed. "Well mon petit we were not going to hurt you at all and you looked so scared and alone so I thought, how bad can it be? But Jed exaggerates. I cannot force anyone to do anything against their will. I merely possess a certain amount of…charm…that can tip the scales so to speak in one direction if the choices are evenly matched. If you really had wanted to run away mon petit you would have."

Slightly mollified I answered back, "I suppose there isn't much harm in that, though I will be sure to be on my guard in the future. So did Antoine use this talent of his on you when you first met then?"

"He most certainly did! There I was bumming around San Francisco late one night when this character bumps right into me while fleeing for his life down a back alleyway. Turns out he had upset one of the all powerful coven members ruling the city at the time back in the '40's, hunting on the other's turf or some such rubbish. Well I was itching for a fight myself, so when he turned on the old charm it didn't take much to sweet talk me into a rumble with these guys chasing him around the city. We barely got out of there in one piece and we've been hanging together ever since. Nothing like a decent brawl to bring people together," Jed winked again at me.

"How was I to know that Chinatown was the exclusive hunting ground of the Huang Coven? I wasn't even feeding when I wandered down there, I was merely searching for inspiration for my latest painting. A true bohemian cannot let life or rules restrict the creative process in any way," Antoine sighed dramatically.

I raised an eyebrow at that. Obviously Antoine was a 'free spirit' who flew where the wind blew him. Thinking about that made me sad again, however, because it reminded me of how much I already missed Renee.

I interjected again to cover up my feelings but I could tell that Jed with his gift could see my emotions clearly on my face. "Antoine, you mentioned earlier about your time in Paris. When did you immigrate to the States?"

"Ah, well mon petit, I of course was born in France to loving, but misguided and traditional parents. They did not like it that I drew and painted for where was my future in that? 'Be a man!' My father would say, 'Do something useful for once! You must come and work in that factory as I do!" So of course what was I to do but run away to Paris? My mother, she did not like that I left home, but she had been a runaway herself, leaving her Romani family for my father. So she was not surprised when my gypsy blood demanded that I travel and seek my destiny in the city! I was poor, so where else could I go but to Montmartre where I lived la vie boheme in a flat with other artists, dancers, and musicians. It was tre amusante and good for my painting! Sadly, the commune broke up in 1910. Toulouse-Lautrec was long dead of course, Renoir was sick and so moved to the coast, and I heard that Degas moved only two years later after I left, and many others were moving on. We were not all friends of course, but we all worked in the same circles. We were a movement, a force of nature! A revolution! Well, mon petit, the days of my youth were spent but I could still live the bohemian way, for in Paris word had reached me that there in New York of all places the movement had arrived and had sparked an artistic wave that could not be stopped!"

"So what happened? Did you do any painting once you arrived there?"

"Sadly, very little. My muse had long left me in Paris, and so I took to wandering the streets as I tended to do. It was my downfall. Fiona, with her wild red hair found me. She was Irish, and whispered in my ear one evening down a dark alley that I smelled delicious. Terrified, I pleaded with her in French and English. She started laughing, having never heard my language before, and my charm worked on her. She had already fed that night so she found the strength to turn me. I woke up three days later in her arms." Antoine sighed in remembrance. "But fate destined that we were not to remain together. We were ill-matched. She soon tired of my artistic impulses and I was bored with her needs as well. I left New York not long after when I heard of the artists keeping bohemianism alive in San Francisco. I wandered across the country for several decades, always detained or delayed by various distractions, but eventually I arrived. That is the end of my story, mon petit. I have been traveling with Jed since then and we have made many trips back and forth across the continent."

I hadn't really noticed his appearance before, Antoine being a much slighter man than Jed, but it struck me at the moment after he finished his story that he was very put together for a traveling vampire. He looked like he had stepped right out of the 1950's with pinstripe pants, suspenders, a white button down shirt, and a tie hanging loosely around his neck. His shoes were worn and scuffed and he lacked only a hat, but his hair was slicked back in waves; his aristocratic nose and slightly olive skin only added to his subtle allure. I could finally see what Fiona must have noticed in him, the charming starving artist, passionate for life.

"Would I know of any of your artworks?" I asked.

At this Antoine seemed to almost blush, answering airily, "Oh well, I never equaled in creativity or technique the works of many of my fellow artists, but I have several pieces hanging in private museums back in Paris. I believe they are worth some money."

Jed laughed, "Don't get him started on his work Miss Bella, we'll be here all night!"

"So you still paint then?" I asked.

"Ah sadly there are few opportunities for me to put a brush to canvas these days, but I do carry my pencils and paper with me," he replied, indicating a messenger bag I hadn't noticed before lying near his feet.

A comfortable silence fell over us as we each stared into space, the two men obviously thinking about times gone by, and I was ruminating again on the ethics of vampirism. Jed and Antoine obviously hadn't led very moral lives as humans, and yet they were not evil at all. As vampires they seemed little changed, their personalities still intact. What had shifted for them, however, was that they had fallen into a lifestyle, a habit, of obeying their urges without really considering the consequences. I wondered briefly if all vampires were that hedonistic…was I the only one wrestling with the hard questions? A frown must have been puckering my face because Jed interrupted my musings.

"So my darlin'! What would you like to do then?" He asked jovially.

"Well I suppose I'll just be heading out then, although I sure do appreciate the company you've given me." I replied tentatively.

"But mon petit! Surely you do not think Jed and I will abandon you! No no, you must be part of our group and we will travel together!"

"Um what? I mean, that's awfully kind of you…but I have plans of my own that are quite pressing. In fact I've already lost several hours here with you, not that I'm saying that I regret meeting you, but I really must be on my way," I replied uneasily.

Jed laughed. "Come on Miss Bella, you are the most fun, the absolutely cutest thing that's come me and Antoine's way in decades! We're not leaving you behind!"

Ok, now I was starting to get angry. "Look you two," I bit out, "I said I appreciate your company, but I have things to do. Besides, there's no way I'm hunting humans and you two seem pretty set in your ways so I say that makes us incompatible!"

Jed and Antoine exchanged mutual looks of resigned loathing.

"Ahh, mon petit, if you insist we will….try…your peculiar diet while we travel with you. After all, I am a true bohemian and I hear these days that means becoming a vegetarian."

"Really? You two would do that?" I asked dumbfounded at their willingness to abstain. I thought for sure they would try to convince me to try their way of life instead of the other way around.

Jed sighed. "Yeah, my darlin' we'll give it a go. Can't say I'm looking forward to it, but I wouldn't want to be outdone by Frenchie over here. There ain't nothing in this world I haven't tried at least once…"

"That's a disturbing thought, but I am happy you two are being so open-minded about it," I replied.

"Think nothing of it squirt," Jed waved off my comment. "When you've lived as long as we have you know when the time is right to go with something new. To be honest, Antoine and I have been bored these ten years at least. We've had no lack of female companions over the years, but no one as sweet or as interesting as you, so we'd be down-right stupid to pass up the opportunity to spend time with you."

"Spend time with me?" I squeaked nervously. "You don't mean you want to…"

"NO!" The two of them exclaimed at once, a look of profound embarrassment on their faces. "No need to worry about that darlin' we'll respect your boundaries," Jed answered running a hand nervously through his mane of hair.

"To be frank, mon petit, for I cannot but be plain-spoken, you are like a child to the two of us. Beautiful yes, but really a bebe. As Jed has said, we have had other female companions in the past and we will surely meet more in the future. You have no need to fear us."

I sighed in relief. The two of them were certainly very attractive but I was already starting to think of them as one would their older uncles. A one hundred and sixty year old uncles that is.

Bringing my mind back to the topic at hand, I wracked my brain for a way to make this situation work.

"Ok guys, here's the deal. I like you both. But I'm not interested in wandering the country with you for decades. I have plans of my own that involve me getting to the Olympic Peninsula in Washington State. Don't ask me what I intend on doing. That's just where I'm headed so you can travel with me as far as Seattle, but then we part ways. I don't care if you stick around that area for awhile as long as you're not killing people. I can even come visit you wherever you end up, but that's all I can offer you two at the moment. Does that sound like a reasonable deal then?"

"Well darlin' that certainly sounds like fun to me considering I haven't been to the Pacific Northwest in ages. It will be like homecoming! Antoine hasn't been up there to Washington at all actually and I have a feeling he'll like the art scene in Seattle. My only stipulation on this deal is that you confide in us when you're ready and tell us about this crazy scheme of yours you have hatching in your brain that involves you living on the Olympic Peninsula of all places."

I was reluctant to give in to that, but I figured even if I told them now, I was stubborn enough to resist their arguments against my plan, even factoring in Antoine's persuasive charm. They couldn't make me change my mind, so there shouldn't be any harm in promising to tell them later.

"Deal, but I have a feeling you won't be crazy about my idea once I tell you."

"One step at a time darlin', one step at a time!" Jed replied laughingly.


	3. Chapter 3

"We are up in the morning ere dawning of day

And the grub-wagon's busy and flap-jacks in play,

While the herd is astir over hillside and swale

With the night-riders rounding them into the trail.

Come, take up your cinches

And shake up your reins;

Come, wake up your bronco

And break for the plains;

Come, roust those red steers from the long chaparral,

For the outfit is off for the railroad corral!"

"You know we're never going to be able to catch anything if you keep singing like that. I thought you were ready for me to show you how to hunt wildlife?" I commented with some frustration.

"You teach me how to hunt? What a laugh! Now see here Missy, I don't care if it is a different species we're looking for, there ain't nothing under this sun you can teach me about hunting, you young newborn babe." Jed laughed in turn.

Jed, Antoine, and I had finally reached the southern plains and deserts of Idaho, the sun rising in the east to greet us, and the dawn of the new day seemed to have the boys in a rollicking good mood, which was so far disrupting our attempts to catch something to eat. Antoine was quiet, but you could tell by the way he hummed under his breath, or would stop and stare at various plants, rocks, and vistas, that he was taking mental photographs of the scenery for possible future artworks. Jed, in direct contrast, was full of jokes and cowboy ballads, keeping the three of us well-entertained.

"Hold it!" I called out to the other two, stopping in my tracks as the wind blew in our direction. "Smell that? There are deer at least a couple miles from here. We could probably sneak up on them if you two goofballs can keep it together for a minute."

"Oh I smell it alright, squirt, I'm just not too sure I want to eat that…" Jed replied back, making a face of distaste.

"You'll get used to it," I answered back shortly. "C'mon you two, no better time than the present for you to start cultivating your taste in wildlife."

I took off running crouched low to the ground, making sure I stayed down-wind of my prey. A quick glance behind me confirmed that Jed and Antoine were following in my wake, letting me take the lead on this one.

When we finally came upon a herd of five deer that were carefully picking through the shrubs for small plants to eat, we each chose our meal, going after our targets individually. I was swift and merciful, catching and draining my kill in no time at all, but I looked up to see Jed gleefully chasing his back and forth around rocks and sagebrush in a game of cat and mouse. Antoine had already finished his but he looked sick to his stomach, like he might vomit from the taste. He swore loudly in French before turning on me on angrily.

"Mon petit! You mean to suggest to me that we can survive on something that tastes as dirty and horrible as that?! If you continue to insist that we eat this way, then I think it only fair that I make demands of my own!"

"Like what?" I looked up at him suspiciously.

"You must pose for me! I demand that once we arrive in Seattle that you serve as my art model."

I choked in surprise. "Why the heck would you want me to pose for your painting? I'm not much to look at. I mean I know I don't look terrible, but I'm just plain and average looking. Surely you want to find someone a little more striking…"

"Ahhh but mon petit, you are striking! That hair! That face! Your mouth! And you have such soft expressions. You are the most perfect little ingénue I have seen in my whole life! You will help me in bringing back my muse to me I think."

"But…I.." I tried to argue, all while fighting off my embarrassment. I never did like to be the center of attention.

"Don't argue with him when it comes to aesthetics darlin'. If it's something visual you can bet he knows what he's talking about.," Jed interrupted. He was holding a wiggling, terrified deer in his arms, trying to figure out the best way to bite down on its throat without getting fur in his teeth. The sight was horrifying, and I had to turn away in disgust from the look of dumb fear in the animal's eyes.

"Just kill it already Jed!" I called out angrily.

I heard behind me with my keen vampire hearing, the sound of Jed puncturing the throat of the helpless animal in his arms, then the steady gulping of his throat as he drained it dry, followed by the slowing heartbeat of the poor beast. Gasping for my own breath, I collapsed onto the ground on my hands and knees as before my eyes I saw again the gas-station scene. I couldn't get it out of my head, it kept replaying like a movie strip before my very eyes. Renee had been as helpless as that deer in Jed's arms and I wanted to lash out at something, to gain control of the situation instead of continuing to wallow helpless as I watched my own mother murdered again and again before me.

I must have been sobbing and shouting profanities out loud because suddenly I found myself clutched in a strong embrace, the warm voices of Jed and Antoine telling me that it was alright to yell and scream.

"Shhh, c'mon darlin' you'll be alright now. I'm so sorry Miss Bella, I wasn't even thinking when I took the deer. It won't happen again. Sure do wish I could bring your mama back to you. Antoine and I would do anything for you pet…" I heard Jed whisper in my ear.

"Yes cherie," Antoine whispered in turn to the top of my head. He was bent down above me, a soothing hand rubbing my back as I tried to regain control of the conflicting emotions swirling within me. "Anything for you, mon petit. We cannot give you your mother but we will try to take care of you like she would want. You do not have to be alone anymore."

I abruptly stopped crying when I heard that. Not alone. Taken care of. I felt a sense of peace start to warm me deep on the inside at the thought that I didn't have to face all my problems by myself.

"You know…" I whispered in between my gasps for breath, "no one's really ever taken care of me before. Don't misunderstand, my mother was the best, and I love her more than anything, but she was more like a friend most of the time. I learned to cook and clean because she was so flighty she'd turn the oven on then forget about it ten minutes later. I learned to send in the bills for her and balance the checkbook because she was impulsive with her money. I have a dad, Charlie, but he was never much in the picture. So I've been the adult all my life. It feels good, but very strange, you know, to have people in my life promise that they will look after me instead of the other way around."

I looked up into the eyes of Jed and Antoine, who were looking back at me with sorrowful serious eyes.

"I don't know about you Antoine, but it suddenly feels like we just inherited a niece of sorts. Never was much in the family line when I was alive and no chance to be one as a vampire either, so this is new territory for me."

"Yes, for me as well. But I think it entirely a novel idea! We shall care and nurture this bebe as if she were our own!" Antoine declared with a flourishing hand wave.

I couldn't help but laugh. "Thanks for the consideration guys. But I don't think I'm quite as helpless as a real baby. Like I said, I'm used to taking care of myself. I was doing just fine on my own before I met you two. Not that I don't appreciate having you around for company, but I think I've got a good handle on this undead business."

"Now I can't agree with you there Miss Bella," Jed replied seriously. "Now's a good time to talk about it since we're getting close. But I've been meaning to ask you. Were you planning on following the Snake River all the way to Washington State? Were you thinking about cutting through Boise on your way?"

"Sure. I mean I wasn't planning on going through the city itself, but I thought since it was on the way I'd have more opportunities to get closer to humans and get used to the smell. What's wrong with Boise?"

"Oh not much, mon petit, except you probably would have run into the Miller Coven and there your journey would have ended in horrible violence," Antoine declared dramatically.

"Really? There's a coven in Boise, Idaho of all places? What are they doing there?"

Jed shrugged. "What a lot of covens end up doing. Some get together and form strong alliances and then claim a city or suburb for themselves. I know Boise seems like a strange out of the way kind of place, but just so happens the Millers are natives there so to speak. When they were alive they were part of the original settlers of the river valley there, migrating on the Oregon Trail. I think they were kin to some of the first few Mormon families in the area. Anyway, I first heard of the Millers as a coven back as early as 1890 so they've been there quite awhile."

"But how are they not noticed? I mean, how have they stayed in one place for so long?" I asked.

"Well that's tricky for any vampire, blending in that is. The Millers have always kept mighty quiet about where exactly they hole up during the day, considering the city enjoys fine weather much of the year. All I know is that they are gifted, self-interested, territorial, and most importantly for us darlin', they do not tolerate newborns in their area."

"Why not? I mean I suppose I can understand why they wouldn't want any vampires in competition with them if they've claimed the whole city. But why have a rule about newborns in particular?" I asked.

"Well, that's a good question. Truth of the matter is, experienced vampires can usually be trusted to follow the rules of the Volturi. You know, stay inconspicuous, and destroy the evidence once the deed is done. Newborns on the other hand, present company excluded of course, are notoriously uncontrolled. To have one let loose near a city spells disaster for any nearby coven that has worked as hard as the Millers to keep a low profile. Of course the humans wouldn't figure anything out, but soon people would be keeping off the streets at night and more police would be about all out of fear for the local crazed serial killer terrorizing the city."

"Wait, back up, who are the Volturi? And since when are there 'rules' that vampires have to follow. How do they enforce them? Aren't we a law unto ourselves?"

"Ahh, so naïve, so innocent mon petit. But let Jed finish explaining about the threat the Millers pose to us. Then we will discuss the Volturi family who you should fear above all other vampires," Antoine commented, a grim expression on his face.

"I keep forgetting you're only days old and been abandoned like a small kitten to fend for herself," Jed replied ruefully. "There's a lot we need to teach you if we're going to keep you in one piece for the foreseeable future. Our number one priority will be in avoiding the Millers. I don't care how far out of the way we need to travel, but it would be foolish to get close and make it even appear that we wanted to pick a fight with them. Antoine and I would possibly come out of a skirmish with them in one piece, but we'd have our hands full protecting you in a fight."

"You aren't going to try to tell me that I'm weaker than other vampires are you?" I asked indignantly, not liking the idea that I was such a liability to the two of them.

"Well, you are stronger than me or Antoine at the moment with your newborn blood in you, but frankly darlin' you have no fighting experience whatsoever and any experienced vampire would be able to get past your defenses and rip off your head," Jed replied seriously.

"Oh, well that's fair, I mean I wasn't good at staying uninjured as a human so I suppose that carries over into this life as well," I grudgingly admitted.

"Do not sell yourself short mon petit. Your vampire instincts are very good and you will make a great fighter with practice. That is all you lack compared with others. You need experience," Antoine interjected.

"Can you teach me? Show me how to at least defend myself?" I asked eagerly. As a human, I had never been interested in any physical activity, being too clumsy and uncoordinated to do well in any kind of sport or fighting. Now as a vampire, however, and especially after the gas station, I hungered for the ability to be in control. I wanted to feel powerful so that no one in the future would ever be able to take advantage of me or my loved ones again. I saw a fantasy unfold in my mind, where instead of Elena holding me helpless in front of my captive mother, I was strong and powerful. In my dream, I would rip myself out of Elena's hold, run to my mother, and destroy Daniel with my bare hands before he could even so much as hurt one hair on her head.

Jed interrupted my musings. "Sure kid, we can teach you how to rumble. Don't know how much use you'll need for it in the Olympic Peninsula, but you never know when you might get caught off guard by unfriendly nomads. Not all strangers are as nice as me and Antoine," Jed winked.

"Is that why you looked like you were ready to attack me the other night when you spotted me behind the hill?" I asked curiously.

"Very true mon petit. Jed and I have met some unpleasant characters while out on the road before. Some only want to laugh and tell stories, but some think it important to prove their strength by beating those weaker than themselves. Fortunately there are not many who are better than Jed and me," smiled Antoine smugly.

"Really? You guys are that good?" I asked skeptically.

"Well don't get me wrong darlin'. If we're outnumbered we ain't too proud to run. But in a fair fight Antoine and I can hold our own. We've been together long enough that we work as a very efficient team," Jed replied.

"Ok, so number one, stay out of Boise. Number two, I need fighting practice. Number three, you promised to explain the Volturi to me," I reminded them doggedly.

Jed and Antoine shared a serious look. They seemed to be communicating without speaking. I suddenly felt like I was five years old again and the adults in the room were trying to talk over my head.

"The Volturi, mon petit," Antoine said finally, "are in many ways, simply another coven. They are a vampire family, but one might say they are the principle family. They are very very old, they rule in Italy, and they are so gifted, they have the power to easily destroy anyone who crosses them. Their rules are simple. Stay hidden from humans and clean up your messes. Do not get caught. That is all that they ask. They have no desire for our race to become public knowledge. They do not care about the fights between other vampires or covens; all that they want is for it to be kept quiet. If you break this rule, then they will intervene."

"And they can enforce this rule even from Italy?" I asked incredulously.

"Oh yes mon petit," Antoine said gravely, "they have ways of finding out. They are extremely well-connected and informed. If for instance you were to end up in Seattle and you were not careful about your eating habits, say that a few too many bodies were found. The newspaper would print this would they not? The Volturi would quickly become interested and dispatch a member of their guard to investigate. Or take for example the wars between the covens in Texas and Mexico. For decades there was competition between the clans, and all this violence was fine until it became noticeable to the humans and so the Volturi have had to intervene several times. They are not lenient, the Volturi, they are only concerned with effectiveness."

I shuddered slightly to hear of such a ruthless gang of vampires. I could tell they must be truly horrifying to meet if Jed and Antoine were being so serious about the issue. From what I had seen of my two traveling companions so far, they were happy and easy-going, unruffled by life. If the Volturi had the power to make them so grim, even from a distance, I knew that they must be a serious threat.

"Alright, well I wasn't planning on revealing my secret to any humans so I think I'll be ok," I said, only feeling a tiny twinge of guilt when I thought about my goal of going home to live with Charlie. But I wasn't going to actually confess to Charlie that I was vampire, just trick him a little into thinking I was his same old daughter. It couldn't be that hard to stay hidden all the way out in Forks, Washington could it? Besides, I was only going to be there until I graduated from high school, then I would try to get a scholarship to maybe the University of Washington, so I could stay close to Charlie but far enough away he wouldn't really notice that I was looking any older. It had to work, right?

"Well kid, you can never be too careful when it comes to the Volturi, so how about you let us know before you do anything too crazy ok?" Jed cautioned, a skeptical look on his face.

Damn it, I forgot about Jed's gift for reading people. He must have seen some of my thoughts on my face.

"Sure sure," I waved him off a little airily, wanting to change the subject, "so how about we try some fighting moves before we hit the road again."

"Now you're talking!" Jed hollered, springing into a crouch and waving me on. He was obviously spoiling for some action and wanted to see what I could do.

Vampires don't actually get tired, but an hour later, I was as close as one could get to it. Jed and Antoine had tried to go easy on me, but they told me they wanted me to get used to what an enemy vampire can do, so they didn't pull too many punches. Antoine had been right about the power of my instincts. They hadn't needed to teach me to actually fight or defend myself, but how to hone my moves so that they gave nothing away about my intentions. They also taught me how to attack without leaving an opening. That had taken some work. I was far better at keeping up a good defense, Antoine only managing to break through my guard a handful of times. But as soon as I made a move towards either one of them to try to get off my own hit, I would end up thrown down on the ground or wrenched around into hold. Jed had entirely too much fun, in my opinion, taking the opportunity to pull my hair, tickle my sides, or trip me up, until I was so enraged I forgot every bit of technique they were trying to teach me and rushed him blindly, only to end up flat on my back with a laughing cowboy sitting on top of my stomach. By far the highlight of the afternoon was when I managed to pull off a perfect roundhouse kick, smacking Jed full in the jaw with my foot. Of course, as soon as my foot connected with his face he grabbed my ankle and twisted me to the ground, but the hit had been worth my takedown.

After we finished "rumbling" as Jed liked to say, we were back to traveling North West, being careful to avoid farms, ranches, and small towns as it was still full daylight and we were sparkling conspicuously in the sun. As we got closer to Boise, however, the issue of covens ruling cities came back to me and I had to ask Jed and Antoine a question.

"Guys, if covens like to take over cities and stay there for at least as long as they can hold it or remain unnoticed, does that mean you'll have competition in Seattle? Is there a coven living there already that I should know about?"

"Ooo very good mon petit! You are very observant. Now I have never been to Seattle, but it would be a perfect place for a coven to live because it is so cloudy and rainy there you see! However, we do not believe there is a coven living there at this time," Antoine answered.

"Why not?" I asked skeptically.

"Interesting that is," Jed replied, "and what Antoine said isn't quite true. There is a coven, but they ain't there right now is what I think I heard last through the grapevine. They are very mysterious and keep to themselves. They lived in that area of Washington over a hundred years ago but moved on for some reason. I hear tell though they have been back to visit that area on occasion, so when we get closer to Seattle you can bet your boots we are going to keep a low profile ourselves and approach with caution."

"Do you know their name?" I asked.

"Cullen, Carlisle Cullen is the leader. He's older than me, I hear tell, a friend of the Volturi even, so we'll be careful not to rock the boat so to speak. If these Cullens still lay claim to the area you can bet we're not going to let you out of our sights my darlin'" Jed replied.

I frowned in concern. In all my schemes, I hadn't counted on the fact that there might be vampires standing in my way between me and Charlie and a normal life with him. Well I didn't care if there were twenty members of this stupid Cullen coven, I wasn't going to let them scare me away from Forks, that's for sure.

"Thinking about establishing us as the new coven in town my darlin'? Jed inquired insightfully. Ugh, his gift for reading my face was really starting to get annoying. I tried to smooth out my expression to look more neutral.

"What makes you think we're a coven exactly," I tried misdirecting him.

"Sweetie, there's no way you're gonna be able to shake me and Antoine now. You're stuck with us!" Jed crowed gleefully.

"Yes mon petit, and you did promise to pose for me. I have at least ten different paintings in mind so it will take quite a while." Antoine chimed in.

I wasn't sure what to think about these two's good natured affection and commitment to me. A large part of me was flattered, but on the other hand I was still in denial about what I had become and the life that it entailed. I just wanted to get to Forks and resume some kind of normal life. Was that too much to ask for, God? It certainly was starting to look that way, unfortunately.

After that, the miles seemed to fly by, probably due to Jed keeping us all entertained with more cowboy songs along the way. When those became a little too annoying, Antoine would interrupt him in a lovely high tenor singing gypsy campfire songs or the more scandalous tunes he had heard in the chorus halls of turn-of-the-century Paris. Jed would try to get him to stop after a particularly salacious bit, but I was constantly laughing and trying to assure him that nowadays popular music was far more explicit in comparison. Jed would only reply back that I might be right but that wouldn't stop him from minding his manners with a lady present. I then shot back and pointed out to him that I didn't think manners included flipping a lady on her back or putting her in a chokehold. We argued back and forth about what was and wasn't appropriate for me to do and hear, my feminist scruples in the meantime getting ruffled from Jed's 19th century values, until suddenly we were approaching a tiny town by the name of Melba. That's what the signs on the side of the highway said anyway.

Up until this point, we had been following the wandering Snake River, which impressively ran through spectacular gorges and deserts, twisting its way through some very beautiful scenery. Now were coming to the beginnings of the Boise River Valley, and so we decided to swing further west and head north around the far side of Nampa and Lake Lowell. Technically Nampa and Boise City were two separate municipalities, but over recent years, growth had sprung up quickly between the two, Jed informed me, so that now they were practically bumping into each other. He wasn't sure if the Millers laid claim to Nampa on the western side, but he thought it wouldn't be prudent to push our luck by cutting through. So around we would go.

A half an hour after the sun had set behind the distant mountains and a beautiful twilight had descended on the desert, the wind yet again shifted, bringing a disturbing scent over to us on the east.

"Hell and damnation! I can't believe our rotten luck!" Jed cursed in fury, his eyes lighting up in a fierce expression; he actually looked quite frightening to me, appearing as a true vampire for the first time. Looking over at gentle Antoine also brought the same shock.

"Mon petit, we must run quickly. There are two vampires a few miles from us and we can only assume that they have caught our scent and are trailing us. We must not be caught here if they are of the Miller coven," Antoine whispered to me urgently.

Without further ado, Jed seized me by my right arm while Antoine grabbed my left and we took off running at a ferocious pace. I had no trouble keeping up with them, but I didn't know whether to feel scared by their obvious fear of meeting up with the Millers, or affronted that they thought I couldn't handle myself in a confrontation. Finally deciding it would be foolish to tempt fate, I erred on the side of caution and tried to concentrate on running as fast as my legs could carry me.

I thought we were doing well, since we were gaining ground faster than I had ever experienced before, but our luck got worse by the time we rounded a small town on the outskirts of Nampa called Homedale. We weren't far from the Oregon border, but we weren't destined to make it, because over a far hill in the direction of the highway came two blurs barreling towards us just as quickly as we were running in the opposite direction. In the blink of an eye, Jed and Antoine threw me behind them in a protective stance squaring off with the two new vampires who had stopped thirty yards from us.

Peeking between my two guard dogs, I caught my first glance of the enemy. To my utter surprise, they were young, probably my own age, obviously a brother and sister by the looks of it. They were both fair, the boy standing under six feet, and his sister was only a little taller than myself. They both wore nondescript clothing, jeans and t-shirts, but they were in good shape. Obviously not living the nomadic vampire life was easier on the wardrobe, I thought, looking ruefully at my own battered attire. They would blend in perfectly with a crowd on the street except for their tell-tale red eyes.

The girl spoke first, addressing herself to my protectors. "Jed, Antoine, what a surprise to see you here. When last we heard of you, you were both on your way to Salt Lake City. Didn't you want to hear the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, Antoine? You said you thought it might bring back your muse, I think."

"Ah yes Mademoiselle Sarah, we did go to Nevada, but that was two years ago. Time certainly flies by. The choir was quite good, but alas, my muse she did not return to me." To my shock, Antoine's tone of voice was cheerful and friendly; he seemed to be exuding every ounce of charm he had been gifted with.

"Yes well, I remember the last time we saw you as well," the boy answered back, "And if you recall, we were very gracious and hospitable to you both, granting you leave to pass through Boise City itself on your way. And now we find out you return the favor by bringing a newborn within our territory," he spat, glaring at me with intense malice.

"Now don't get your britches in a bunch Joseph. Antoine and I of course are mighty grateful for the time you spent entertaining us last time we came through these parts. We would never try to sneak one by you. Bella is a newborn, but as you can see we kept clear of the city. We're on our way north and had no intentions of feeding this close to your territory. You know we respect your coven more than that," Jed answered in an equally friendly tone.

"Staying clear of the city, you say. Well Joseph and I picked up your trail just south of Melba when we were out hunting for lonely truckers on highway 78. I call that too close to our territory if you ask me," replied the girl Sarah disdainfully, crossing her arms across her chest.

"Now please Mademoiselle Sarah, we were not even within the city limits of Nampa. Are the Millers now claiming both cities then?" Antoine wheedled impressively back.

"A technicality at best," sniffed Joseph, "and how are we to know you didn't intend to sneak past us and cut through the city? What assurances can you grant us of your good faith that you were always planning on going around to the west?"

"C'mon Joseph, you've known me and Antoine these past eighty years at least. You know we'd never try to swindle ya'. Like I said, we were on our way north and Antoine and I have Bella here well in hand. You have my word as a cowboy."

"And I say you know our rules, Jed, so I must insist that you turn over this newborn to us to dispose of. In return we will graciously allow you and Antoine to continue on your way," Sarah demanded with an impatient stamp of her foot.

"Please be reasonable Mademoiselle, Bella is part of our coven now. We cannot give her to you. And we are not in the city limits so you do not have to enforce the rule. Let us pass on our way. Bella isn't even a danger. She may be a newborn but she is gifted. She has the control of any one of us."

I could feel much of Antoine's charm working on the situation because Sarah and Joseph visibly relaxed a bit. They obviously were torn between maintaining their coven's strict claim to the region while at the same time they were hesitant to start an uneven fight with vampires with whom they had obviously shared good relations in the past.

"That may be true, I can see from here she is unusually calm, but what would happen if word got out that we let a newborn pass so close to our territory. Our rivals would soon descend upon us expecting to see that we have grown weak or too lenient. We have our reputation to maintain after all," Joseph argued.

"Who says word will get out? The only reason you could tell Bella was a newborn was because of your gift Mademoiselle Sarah. Our coven will certainly not betray you by spreading such rumors. As you can see, Bella is calm enough to pass for a much older vampire. Come, let us speak plainly for you know I do not like to talk in circles. You would not win a fight against Jed and me and we will not turn over Bella to you. Return to your sires John and Rebecca and tell them the truth of what has happened here," Antoine spoke firmly.

The tension in the air seemed to increase after Antoine delivered his ultimatum. The Miller siblings were obviously teetering between decisions, torn between protecting their reputation and avoiding a fight they could not win.

Finally the boy Joseph broke the intense stand-off. "Fine," he snapped, "because you are not technically within our borders we will allow you to go. But you had better keep quiet about this adventure of yours. If we hear word of it from another, you may rest assured it will mean war between our two covens. Consider yourselves warned."

And with that, Sarah and Joseph linked hands and disappeared back over the hill where they came from.

"Pheeeeeeew!" Jed sighed in a great gust of air, wiping his brow over-dramatically. "I thought for sure there they were going to make an issue out of that. Boy oh boy I sure do like having you around Antoine!" Jed jovially clapped his companion on the back several times in congratulations.

"Yes, I do think it is safe for me to take some credit here," Antoine answered back quite proudly. "They were very torn. They wanted to rip us to shreds but they could not do it without John here. We were very fortunate they were alone." He said gravely.

"I'll say," Jed replied just as seriously.

"What's so special about the other two Miller family members," I asked curiously.

"Well he's just particularly fast. Faster than any other vampire I've met anyway. Antoine and I could take those two brats any day, maybe even Rebecca too if she were here, but John is so quick on his feet he's taken down stronger vamps than me in the past," Jed explained. "But it's the four of them together that's so dangerous. That's what keeps other covens away. They've been together so long they know exactly how to work a fight in tandem. Yes we were very lucky it was just the two younger ones and not the whole family. If it had been, we wouldn't be here to tell the tale."

"As it is, I think we have soured our relations with the Millers forever," Antoine replied sadly.

"I'm sorry to hear that," I said feeling guilty about the situation. "This wouldn't have happened if I hadn't been with you two."

"Now now squirt, no need for apologies. Fact of the matter is, while Antoine and I have gotten along fine with the Millers in the past, I've never trusted them and neither have they extended that courtesy to us. Like I told you before, they are territorial and self-interested. It's no skin off my back if we're not on speaking terms with them for the next century," Jed reasoned.

"Probably the next two centuries, Jed. I can think of no better way we could have infuriated them more than to bring a newborn so close to their precious boundary line," Antoine replied dryly.

"Oh well! Live and learn!" Jed shot back jovially, "And now that that crisis is behind us, let's keep moving! I want to put as many miles between us and this place as possible!"

And with that, we linked hands ourselves and shot off in the opposite direction of the Millers, heading towards the black horizon line of the western wilderness.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Thanks to the few of you who have discovered my story and are sticking with it. When I first came up with this idea for a fanfic, I wasn't confident if anyone would want to read it, considering it focuses on Bella's grief, introduces original characters, and Edward doesn't even enter the story until at least six chapters in! Anyways, thanks for the reviews, you are keeping me writing and my muse going strong. Enjoy the next chapter, and yes Bella enters Forks in the chapter after this one, so hold onto your hats!

Prayer for Preservation from Evil

"A Psalm of David.  
I call upon you, O Lord; come quickly to me;  
give ear to my voice when I call to you.  
Let my prayer be counted as incense before you,  
and the lifting up of my hands as an evening sacrifice.

Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord;  
keep watch over the door of my lips.  
Do not turn my heart to any evil,  
to busy myself with wicked deeds  
in company with those who work iniquity;  
do not let me eat of their delicacies."

Well, that was certainly applicable. Never had I thought before to find comfort or relevancy in the Bible, but here it was in black in white. Not that I for a minute thought that this poetry was written with vampirism in mind, but I could certainly see, that for me at least, the lines of this psalm had a more literal meaning than it would for any other human. I was struggling not to turn to "wicked deeds" and I certainly did not want to be tempted to "eat of the delicacies" of those who work iniquity. I continued to read the rest of Psalm 141 in the Bible that Renee had given me, the last present I ever received from my poor mother.

"But my eyes are turned towards you, O God, my Lord;  
in you I seek refuge; do not leave me defenseless.  
Keep me from the trap that they have laid for me,  
and from the snares of evildoers.  
Let the wicked fall into their own nets,  
while I alone escape."

Huh, that seemed relevant as well, surprisingly enough. Hadn't I escaped the nets of both Daniel and Elena as well as the Miller coven? Danger seemed to follow me at every turn, and yet hadn't my prayers been answered, in the most unexpected form of Jed and Antoine? It was strange, but looking back on the remarkable events of the last week, I could see fate, or God, or whoever made the universe spin, at work in my life. I paused at that thought.

Did that mean that Renee, who had died that terrible day, was fated to be killed? Why hadn't God intervened there? Why had God let her die like that? My head was starting to hurt from so many unanswered questions. It didn't make sense that some people met with tragic ends, and yet I could still discern good things happening in my own life.

I abruptly sat up from where I had been lying down relaxing in the shade of a nearby tree. Antoine was lying down with me and we had both been watching the sun set in the distance over the mountains of Washington State. Jed had left us on the outskirts of Walla Walla which was just north of the Oregon border, scoping out a couple local diners near the highway in which he thought we might try our little experiment. And by experiment I meant the two of them would escort me into the diner and see if I could keep it together with humans all around me. Again, it was just as risky as had been my break-in into that house in Utah, but I was confident I could maintain my composure. If worse came to worse, at least Jed and Antoine would keep me from murdering anyone.

Thinking about murdering people brought back to my mind the psalm I had just read. I had turned to the Bible in the first place to try to settle my nerves before we three headed any closer to civilization. Being in Washington State had brought forcibly home to me how close I was to reaching my goal. Needing to make sure I would pose no threat to Charlie, I had announced my intention earlier of creeping close to humans and seeing how difficult it was to inhale their scent. While Jed volunteered to go and find the perfect setting for this to take place, Antoine and I decided to soak up the last of the sunlight. After sitting for ten minutes, I had started to miss Renee, like I always tended to do whenever I found myself without distractions. Not knowing what else to do, I turned to the last gift she ever gave me, hoping to feel a closer connection to her.

"Antoine," I called out to my companion pensively.

"Yes, mon petit?" He responded without opening his eyes, his face smooth and relaxed from our idyllic repose under the tree.

"What made you hunt certain people? I mean, was it just chance that made you choose your next victim, or were you deliberate about it?" I asked woodenly.

At that, Antoine sat up and looked at my cautiously. "Mon petit, why do you wish to discuss something so upsetting to you? It cannot bring your mother back you know."

"I know that!" I bit out in reply, "I want to know if vampires…deliberately choose to stalk people for certain reasons. I just want to know if there is a reason why Renee died and I didn't."

"That is too big of a question to be answered, mon petit," Antoine replied softly. "You might as well also search for the meaning of life. You wish to know what guides our decisions. What is the root of causality? Is it God? Is it chance? We do not know. I am a bohemian, mon petit, and not religious, so I cannot help you with your quest to find higher meaning. We bohemians live for experience, for the very moment of things. But, I do think that if you perhaps are thinking that there might be a God out there, then you should ask yourself the question, is death the worst thing that can happen to someone?"

"What do you mean? Of course it's bad. It took Renee away from me." I snapped back caustically.

"No no, mon petit. I meant, is it bad for your mother? Is death so bad for her? Of course it is hard for you because you are left behind. But do you truly believe that she is gone forever?"

Antoine's comment made me pause. Did I believe that? Maybe before she died, I would have said that death really is the worst thing that could happen to anyone, because we have no guarantees about what happens to us afterwards. Now, however, I was still left with no guarantees, but I had a fierce, burning hope clawing away at my chest that Renee was somewhere safe, somewhere at peace.

Antoine studied my face, letting me process my own thoughts in silence. However, after a few minutes he suddenly said, "Turn to Revelation, mon petit."

"What? Why there?" I asked confused.

"Well, I grew up Catholic of course and I remember this particular passage, not because I believe it, but because it is so beautiful. It is a strong image for me, one I think that would make a truly moving painting. But you tell me how you like it. Turn to the end of Revelation."

I flipped to the very end of the Bible, skipping past all the scenes of violence and destruction the book of Revelation is usually known for, and finally found chapter twenty-one, the second to last chapter. I read it out loud.

"Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth; for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. 2And I saw the holy city, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. 3And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying,  
'See, the home of God is among mortals.  
He will dwell with them;  
they will be his peoples,  
and God himself will be with them;  
He will wipe every tear from their eyes.  
Death will be no more;  
mourning and crying and pain will be no more,  
for the first things have passed away.'"

I sat in silence for a few minutes, my mind's eye picturing this scene of heaven come down to earth where suffering and pain would be at an end.

"You were right Antoine, it is beautiful. I don't know if I believe it either…but it helps anyway."

Antoine smiled sweetly at me. "I thought it might mon petit. I do not have answers for you, but I will give you what little help and wisdom that I have."

Impulsively, I put the Bible back in my backpack and scooted closer to Antoine, who opened his arms in welcome to me. I gently laid my head down on his shoulder and snuggled contentedly into his side. His arms wrapped around me in a warm embrace and for the first time since I started this wretched journey, I felt like in a weird way, I had found home again.

We stayed that way, sitting immobile for many minutes. I sighed, feeling comfortable in the arms of my adopted uncle, letting go of all my cares and worries for the moment. The sun had finally dipped beyond the horizon when a moving body quite suddenly flew on top of us, the two of us collapsing under its weight.

It wasn't until I realized someone had wrestled me to the ground, then swung me up into his arms like a baby, that I realized that my other adopted uncle had come back from his reconnaissance mission and he was in the mood to play.

"Stop it Jed!" I laughed out loud at his ridiculous behavior as he rocked me back and forth, humming lullabies to me like one would an infant. "Just because I'm a newborn doesn't mean you can treat me like a helpless human!"

"Oh but darlin' you are helpless! Watch this!" And before I could react he had me twisted into a pretzel-like shape, my arms and legs held immobile by his strong corded arms. I knew from experience that technically I was stronger, but in this position I couldn't get any leverage, so I was for all intents and purposes, held at his mercy.

"Jed, this is ridiculous," I called out irritated, "I thought we were going to go near to town and try out my control, not wrestle in the dirt like ten-year-olds! You're over a hundred and sixty! Aren't you tired of these kinds of games?"

"No chance of that darlin'! Having you around is like getting a nice shiny new toy to play with. Wrestlin' with Antoine's no fun anymore 'cause he knows all my moves. But I can always catch you by surprise!" Jed laughed gleefully.

Antoine sighed resignedly, "It is true, mon petit, he may be very old but he has the spirit of a young child within. He never tires of these types of games."

Jed finally started to ease me out of the pretzel hold he had me in. Seeing my chance, I quickly grabbed him by his bicep, and flipped him over my head so he landed with a crash into the ground beside me.

That had him laughing uproariously, and for a little while, the only thing going on was a fierce match between Jed and me to see who could beat the other in a test of strength and agility. In the end, though I managed to body slam him once into the dirt, I was again wrestled into submission, Jed's arms wrapped around me in a fierce bear hug that kept me from wriggling free.

"Now now darlin' are you gonna promise to stay nice and quiet if I let you go? I picked out a nice out-of-the-way Mom 'n Pop establishment with only a few customers in there for the night. We can head on over pretending our car has stalled out on the highway and we're waiting on a tow-truck. Meanwhile we'll bide our time and see how long your control lasts. How's that sound missy?"

"Fine fine," I grumbled, still a bit irritated that I had yet to best Jed in any kind of fight. "Can you let go of me then? I say let's get a move on so I can show you two what real control looks like," I boasted rashly.

"Oh ho! I smell a wager I think. Now I'm what you might call a real gamblin' man darlin' so how's about we make this interesting? What do you say to that?"

"Alright, cowboy, I say that I can walk into that diner under my own power and keep it together for a full hour without trying to pounce on anyone. And I say that when I win you will show me exactly how to put someone in a chokehold like you're always doing to me. Seem fair?"

"You got yourself a deal darlin'. Only when I win and have to forcibly hold you down in your seat at the table, you will owe me a full and honest explanation of what you plan on doing when you get to the Olympic Peninsula. See, I haven't forgotten have I?" Jed gloated smugly.

My face fell after hearing Jed's demand. Reading my expression, his grin only got wider. He obviously thought I was going to back out of the bet and look like a fool, or give in and possibly put my secret on the line. Well I would just have to make sure I won the bet, I supposed. Deep down, I knew I had promised to tell the boys about my plans once we reached Seattle, but there was nothing like putting off inevitable for another day. There was no way I wanted to tackle that argument anytime soon.

"Fine, you have yourself a deal," I ground out between clenched teeth, hating the fact that he had backed me into a corner. If Jed were this devious when it came to a simple friendly wager, I mentally promised myself to never end up in a poker game with him.

"Very well, I will be the witness to this wager and will hold the loser accountable," Antoine declared enthusiastically, getting caught up in the spirit of competition. I wasn't sure who he was rooting for, but my instincts told me he was just as curious as Jed about my secret mission to the Olympic Peninsula.

"Deal!" Jed laughed, while shaking my hand to seal our agreement. "Now let's head on over to the diner and watch you lose that bet darlin'!" Jed grinned while rubbing his hands together deviously. Considering how potentially dangerous this whole experiment was to the humans in the area, I thought we were acting fairly light-hearted about the whole thing. But on the other hand I had controlled myself well before, and Jed and Antoine were strong enough to hold me down in a booth even if I did lose my cool.

As the three of us followed the highway to the diner, a dirty well-worn looking building with a broken neon sign, we solidified a possible cover story in case the waitress or any of the other patrons became curious and started asking us questions. Jed was my older brother and Antoine would be my uncle. We were all on our way to Walla Walla from Pendleton, Oregon when our car broke down on the side of the road. To my surprise, when I mentioned the fact that it would be suspicious to hear Antoine talk in his French accent all the way in middle-of-nowhere Washington State, he declared he could fake an American accent. To prove his point, he started reciting poetry, his voice free from its usual European flair. When I asked if anyone would notice our red eyes, Jed hesitated, saying that usually humans weren't that observant, but if anyone did ask, we would simply say it was a genetic mutation that ran in the family.

With our stories straight between the three of us, we approached the front door to the weather-beaten establishment. I put out my hands to stop the boys before we reached the door, using the opportunity before we were spotted to take in a few deep breaths, inhaling the smell of humans. Just as it had happened in the house in Utah, I felt the liquid pool in my mouth, my throat tighten in an insistent burn, and my vision even went a little hazy before my eyes as I mentally envisioned wrenching the door off its hinges and slaughtering everyone inside. Shaking my head to clear those disturbing thoughts, I continued to breathe in and out slowly, preparing myself for the wall of scent that would assault me once we stepped inside.

At my signal, Jed opened the door for me to step through, Antoine keeping a firm grip on my arm just in case. As it was, the scent of humans hit me like a truck, stopping me in my tracks for a moment, but I recovered sooner than I thought I would. I attributed my sudden control to the fact that we were in a diner, and the appetizing smell of humans was mixed together with the revolting scent of cooking food. The stench of grease and searing animal flesh was enough to make me feel nauseous, so I concentrated on those smells instead of the allure of the beating hearts and pulsing veins I could detect with my keen hearing.

Jed let the door swing closed, smiling charmingly at the dumbfounded waitress behind the counter. He even tipped his hat at her before walking around in front of Antoine and me to lead us to a corner booth far away from the few other patrons. Again, I focused on the disgusting smell of food, as I stepped the closest I had been to live humans since my transformation. Passing by the counter on the right sat a lonely looking man in his sixties, and seated in a booth near the door were three biker guys, decked out in leather jackets and worn blue jeans. I felt their eyes on me as we passed by, but I didn't dare look at them closely for fear my instincts would take over before I could stop myself.

Jed guided me into the booth, his hand on the small of my back, directing me to sit on the inside while we sat on my other side to guard me from the rest of the humans in the diner. I kept my eyes averted from the obvious stares of the other customers, looking down at my hands which I had clenched into tight fists in my lap. I both sensed and smelt the approach of the waitress to our table, and then heard her ask in a voice made raspy from years of cigarette smoke, "What'll be fellas?"

To my surprise Antoine replied, oozing charm and affability in a flawless American accent. "Nothing for us thank you ma'am. Our car broke down a mile down the road so we're just waiting for the tow-truck to come pick us up. Hope you don't mind us waiting in here. If it's a problem I could order a coffee…"

Antoine really was gifted because the next thing I knew, the waitress visibly melted, staring dazedly at the handsome man across from me. She obviously didn't have a problem with such a good-looking face sitting in her booth, especially one who was so well-mannered and flattering. "Sure thing honey, stay as long as you like. That's too bad you had a break-down. Let me know if you ever want that coffee and I'll bring it right over," she gushed.

As soon as the waitress turned away I rolled my eyes. Antoine's gift never ceased to amaze me, and the obliviousness of others to its power was something to behold.

"That poor woman," I whispered under my breath to Antoine across the table, "she's going to be fantasizing about the dashing young stranger who was so nice to her the rest of the evening."

"Sure will darlin'. I never would have thought it when Antoine and I first started running together, but I've seen it for myself over the years. He's got a real way with the ladies," Jed grinned beside me.

Antoine merely waved his hand airily at the compliment. "It's nothing," he said, still faking his American accent, "a little charisma goes a long way, that's all."

We were all laughing quietly when I looked up and noticed the three bikers looking intensely in my direction. To my surprise they weren't staring at Jed or the back of Antoine, but seemed to be looking me over. I was only sixteen after all, and had never experienced someone blatantly checking me out before, so the experience was both surreal as well as profoundly disturbing. I knew I had nothing to fear from these weak humans, but the sensation of someone mentally undressing me was still upsetting.

Jed, with his gift for reading people, immediately saw my expression tighten. Quickly, he snuck a glance across the diner at what had made me look back down to my lap in discomfort. I heard him inhale sharply once he recognized the biker's leers for what they were, and his arm which was around my shoulders tightened, sending the humans the signal that I was protected and spoken for.

After that, we spent the remainder of the hour sitting quietly, staring off into space, and avoiding the constant looks of the bikers down at the other end of the diner. Finally the time came for us to make a discreet exit, the agreed upon hour we set up as part of the bet having passed without me once trying to murder anyone. Jed glanced over at me once to see if I was still under control before easily sliding out from the booth and holding out his hand to me. I gratefully squeezed his hand, recognizing it as a safety line in case I felt the urge again to pounce on one of the humans. Antoine followed me from behind, essentially boxing me in.

Once we reached the front of the diner, Antoine addressed the waitress, thanking her for her hospitality and explaining that we were going to wander back to our car and see if the tow-truck had arrived yet. We reached the front doors, and I sensed behind me that we were not alone. Sure enough, once we stepped into the poorly lit gravel parking lot out front, we turned smoothly to see that the three bikers had followed us out.

Jed stood in front of me blocking me from their view. "Is there somethin' we can help you with fellas?" Jed's words were cordial enough but they carried a hint of malice that I thought would have frightened off most humans.

The three bikers paused at that, but the leader seemed to regain his balance after a couple seconds, addressing us in what I'm sure he thought was a menacing tone of voice.

"Yeah you can help us. We were thinking we'd like to spend some time with your girl. So how about you two boys wander off for a little while."

I don't know what those bikers saw in me, considering I was a measly five foot four, dressed in ragged jeans and an oversized red flannel shirt, but maybe that's what bikers go for, because they were looking at me like I was a piece of meat.

"No can do fellas, she's with us and she doesn't want to spend time with the likes of you." Jed replied, his tone even more threatening, and his white teeth flashed dangerously in the light.

Antoine spoke up after that, obviously hoping they could avoid a fight if he could convince them it was in their best interests to leave us alone. "C'mon guys, you don't want to start a fight with us. We're a couple of strangers and you don't know what we can do. It would be best if you went on your way and forgot all about us."

The bikers seemed to hesitate, Antoine's persuasion working on them to a degree, but they obviously had made their minds up before, because the leader took a step forward. "Well we figure since you are strangers in town, you don't have anyone to call for help. You can see you're outnumbered so I say you should back down and do as we asked!" And with that he pulled out a long switchblade, obviously thinking that this would make us tremble in fear.

Antoine and Jed shared a look, seeing that they wouldn't be able to avoid a fight. Antoine whispered quickly in my ear for me to stay out of it, as it would look too suspicious for a hundred and ten pound girl to beat up a burly two hundred pound man with a knife. Resigning myself to watching the upcoming scene, I took a step back as Antoine and Jed stepped forward to confront the misguided humans.

My guys waited for the humans to make the first move, and so when the leader swung at them with the knife, Jed backed up slowly to dodge. He was obviously putting forth the effort for this to look believable, so he was keeping his movements within the range of a human's abilities. It was actually funny to watch, seeing the concentration on his face to make sure he didn't move too quickly.

The leader of the biker group stumbled a bit, startled that Jed had managed to dodge his attack so easily. Enraged, he then rushed at Jed recklessly, hoping to catch him around the middle and knock him to the ground. This, Jed also dodged, stepping around him so that he could land a soft punch to his kidneys. The leader grunted in pain, and fell to his knees.

The biker's friends, shouted in indignation, upset that their leader should be felled so easily, so the two of them, as one, rushed at Antoine, hoping to catch him off his guard. Strong and athletic, yet with the grace of a ballet dancer, Antoine turned on his feet at the last second, dodging his attackers. I saw it happen almost in slow-motion, but as the bikers stumbled past Antoine, my graceful Frenchman stuck out his foot to trip the biker nearest to him. Not expecting this maneuver, the biker had no chance to catch his fall, and so his face hit the gravel with the full force of his body-weight behind it.

What happened next will live on in my waking nightmares forever. The testing I had endured while sitting quietly in the diner booth with humans scurrying about me was nothing in comparison to the bloodlust that descended upon my brain as soon as that biker hit the dirt. His face, taking the brunt of the fall, split open his lip, and his nose bled freely.

Antoine and Jed, as soon as they realized what had happened, froze themselves. I struggled to remain where I was, quickly holding my breath from the tantalizing smell dancing in the air just outside of my reach. I wanted it. Oh God help me I wanted it more than anything else I had ever encountered during my short life. Making it worse, it was the blood of a violent biker who had threatened to molest me, so I had very little pity or compassion stored in me that could keep my impulses in check.

In the nano-second before I pounced on the helpless human lying on his face in the gravel, the voice of Renee spoke in my head, saying the words of Psalm 141

"Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord;  
keep watch over the door of my lips….

do not let me eat of their delicacies."

The Biblical poetry reverberated over and over again in my brain, cutting through the haze of my lust, causing me to tremble violently where I stood. I felt the liquid in my mouth drooling down the side of my face. How could I withstand such temptation before me? Oh God help me!

In answer to my silent prayer, just as I felt my control snap and I crouched to spring on to the bleeding biker, Antoine and Jed flew at me in a blur of motion. They seized my arms to keep me from escaping, and before the bikers could realize what had happened, had hauled me off into the shadows of the night, making our way through a nearby vineyard for cover. I snarled angrily at them both for getting between me and my prey, but I didn't fight them off. Instead I hung limply between them, not even trying to run. As we moved further away from the smell of blood, I felt the haze in my brain recede, and logic returned to me.

I started sobbing in relief that my guys had kept me from murdering a human being in cold blood, something I would never be able to live with if it had happened.

"Thank you, thank you…" I cried over and over again as we finally halted on the far side of the large vineyard, Jed swinging me up in his arms to cradle me close.

"You're ok Miss Bella, you're ok. You were great back there! You managed to stay in control long enough for Antoine and me to get you out of there. You did just fine darlin'" Jed whispered encouragingly.

"Oh, mon petit. Your conscience is so strong in you. I know this lust must torment your soul. Let go of the guilt my cherie, you did nothing wrong. Your hands are still clean." Antoine soothed while petting my hair.

"But I wanted him! Oh God forgive me, but I was going to give in! I couldn't stand it a minute longer, I was going to drain him dry and I wouldn't have been able to stop myself!" I cried out despairingly, ashamed at the monster that lurked closer to the surface than I had ever assumed. I had boasted of my control before this whole experiment, but looking back on it now, the whole thing, even the wager, seemed entirely foolish. Who knew that all it took was a simple nosebleed to turn me from a normal teenager into a slobbering hungry beast, capable of the worst kind of violence.

"It's ok darlin'! Ain't none of us perfect. In fact, you're as close to it as I've ever come across. I'm not ashamed to tell you as soon as I smelled the blood, I was ready for a snack myself. Especially since those nasty creeps were trying to make a move on you too. I could have happily disposed of them except I knew you would have been right upset if we killed them for you," Jed confessed ruefully.

"Yes," I laughed in between my sobs, "I would have been very upset. I know they were mean and nasty, but I wouldn't want their deaths haunting me forever. They aren't worth that."

"Very good, mon petit." Antoine encouraged me, "We will move on with our lives then and forget all about this. In a way, it was good for you, because now you know the very limits of your control."

I looked up at Antoine. "I hadn't thought about that. Now I can be extra cautious about it in the future. I know when I will reach my breaking point," I mused pensively.

"You were amazing back there darlin'. Spilt blood like that could have been any vampire's breaking point. I still can't believe you're only a newborn. It just defies explanation. It must be some kind of gift you carried over from life, self-control that is," Jed pointed out.

"I suppose…" I said slowly, "or it might be my conscience as well. I just can't stand the thought of killing someone. Watching Renee die the way she did," I choked, "well that whole thing is burned into my memory. It's all I can think about anytime I start to feel the urge to bite someone."

"Quite remarkable, mon petit, you obviously held on tightly to your human memories during the transformation. Jed and I, oh we can remember certain details of course, but most of our past lives, thoughts, and feelings are very fuzzy to us now," Antoine explained.

"Well no matter what it is that's caused you to turn out the way you have, you can rest assured that amazing control of yours will help you in the long run," Jed replied. "You think you're gonna be ok now darlin'?" Jed started to put me back on my feet, but kept a cautionary hand on my arm in case I gave in again and tried to race back to the diner.

"Yeah, I feel fine now actually," I said, surprised that I didn't feel any bloodlust anymore when only minutes before I had been panting to sink my teeth into that man's flesh. Shaking my head to clear the last vestiges of haziness from my mind, it suddenly occurred to me that we had a wager to settle. "So who won the bet then?"

"Hmm good question darlin' I would actually say you did because you lasted the whole hour and didn't attack anyone in the diner," Jed concluded.

"Yeah, but you both had to haul me away from those bikers. I lost control. That's what we were betting on right?" I said stubbornly, not wanting to lose but at the same time not wanting to win by such an unfair technicality.

Antoine decided to add his two cents. "As the official witness to the wager, I shall make a ruling, deciding the winner. Since the agreed upon parameters of the bet stipulated exactly one hour spent in the diner, I rule in favor of Bella." Antoine bowed ridiculously, then caught my right hand in his to place a fervent kiss on it.

I sighed. "Alright, I accept. But it seems like it violates the spirit of the bet. I still lost control."

"Stop worrying yourself about it darlin'. You'll do yourself no good fretting about the situation. Now let's move on and hit the road! We're bound for Seattle and then I get to hear about this secret mission of yours fair and square!" Jed cheered happily.

After what we would refer to in the future as the "biker incident", Jed, Antoine, and I continued our journey north-west. We stuck to the country-side mostly, avoiding any major towns along the way, although we did stop at a few stores and restaurants to continue in my goal of becoming immune to the smell of humans. Through farms and creeks, crossing mountains and highways, we finally made it to the Wenatchee National Forest, the southern tip of which was not that far away from the suburbs of Seattle. We stopped there for a while, hunting game to fill up on before we were all assaulted by the temptation of so many humans living in such a relatively small area. Jed and Antoine complained quite a bit about the enforced diet, causing me to snap back at them several times, which I regretted. A break came, however, when instead of hunting deer and elk, we spotted several grizzly bears nearby. While it ended up only tasting marginally better, the fun both Jed and Antoine had in catching and wrestling with the giant animals apparently made up for the flavor.

After we had stuffed ourselves with animal blood, we laid around lazily in the forest, taking in the sights and smells of the beautiful Washington State wilderness. I had never enjoyed camping when I was alive, but being a vampire, unafraid of nature, and just as durable as the mountains surrounding us, made the whole experience much more fun. As I looked around at the giant moss-covered trees and the misty clouds moving in overhead, I was struck suddenly by the fact that I was close to home, close to Charlie. While my summers spent in Forks during my life had felt more like obligations at the time, leaving me feeling uncomfortable and homesick for Phoenix, now I realized that with Renee dead, Arizona held no claim on me any longer. That house in which I grew up was only home because that's where my mom was. To think about going back there now, knowing that she would no longer be there, didn't make any sense. This was my home now, the dark green forests and rainy skies of Washington State. I would gladly move in to that tiny corner bedroom in the old frame house in Forks, only because my last claim to family was there waiting for me. A normal life with a dad and school and a future lay before me, all within my grasp. If only I could make it happen.

As if he could read my thoughts, Jed spoke up suddenly from where he was reclined comfortably in a bed of moss against a large tree. "So darlin'. I think now's the time to come clean with me and Antoine. We've stuck by you this far. Time for you to meet us halfway and explain to us why you want to get to the Olympic Peninsula so bad."

Antoine sat up, giving me his undivided attention while Jed also sat waiting expectantly for me to reveal my true reasons for this cross-country journey. I sat bowing my head, letting my long hair swing like a curtain in front of my face while I gathered my thoughts. After a few minutes I felt them stir a little in impatience, so I cleared my throat.

"When I first woke up from the transformation, and realized that my mom was dead, I didn't know what to do right away. I was alone in the desert and from what I had heard of Daniel and Elena's conversation before they let me go, they were going to cover up their crime by staging a car wreck. Anyway, so there I was in the middle of the desert, knowing that at that point the police had probably found Renee. I thought briefly about going back to Phoenix, but I quickly realized that that didn't make sense because Renee was my only family there. She has a boyfriend, but I couldn't live with him. Also, what was I going to do when the police inevitably came looking for me? Well, after I dismissed the idea of going back to Phoenix, I remembered that the only family I have left is Charlie, my dad…."

At that point I heard Jed and Antoine gasp in realization. They had obviously put two and two together.

"You mean to say you're planning on going back to your dad? And you thought that was a good idea, showing up on his doorstep out of the blue, you being a vampire?!" Jed questioned me harshly.

I winced. Jed had never spoken that way to me before and it hurt me to know I had disappointed them.

Antoine shook his head gravely. "I don't think it will work, mon petit. There are too many things that could go wrong. You could lose control with your father or you could bite someone in this town where he lives. Even if that never happens, how will you explain where you have been all this time, or how you got all the way to Washington? And there is no way you could hide forever the fact that you sparkle in the sun, don't eat human food, and have glowing red eyes."

I hung my head. Antoine was right, I knew. I wanted to live a normal life with Charlie so badly I hadn't thought it all the way through. I was being careless not having a firm plan in mind. But even though Antoine had listed off serious obstacles in my way, I still felt in my heart I could overcome them. Charlie would be so glad to see my alive, I was sure, that I could smooth over with several careful lies my whereabouts and condition.

"Look guys, I know it sounds crazy, but I want this so bad. You can't understand how much I need this. He's all the family I have left, and I can't live my life roaming around the United States, feeding off animals and hiding from humans. I'd go crazy first."

"But you don't have to do that darlin'. You have me and Antoine now, forever. We won't abandon you. We'll even stay damn vegetarians for you if that's what it will take. And we don't have to roam around as nomads. We can set up house in Seattle if you want. Antoine and I have some resources and skills you don't know about. We'll get a little apartment in the city and we can live there," Jed pleaded desperately. "Let us be your family Bella. We can't be your father and mother, but we can love you like they did."

I dropped my face in my hands, trying to keep from crying. They were being so wonderful to me, loving me so deeply that I couldn't help but be moved. More than that, I felt a heat glowing in my chest at Jed's words. I realized that I loved them just as much, and that I didn't want to leave them either. But could I really be happy with what Jed proposed? I wasn't sure.

"Look guys, help me please! If you two can help me pull this off, living with my dad for a couple years while I finish school, then I will be ready for college and I can move to Seattle and enroll in the University of Washington. I'll live with you guys then if you really want. Just let me have the last part of my youth, I'm not ready to grow up yet."

It was so ironic that I was begging to go back to high school, when only the past semester I had been complaining to Renee about how banal the whole experience was and how immature all my peers were. I had been desperate then to grow up faster, to be a real adult out on my own. Now that I was forced into that by my transformation, all I wanted was a few years of normalcy, a few years with Charlie.

Antoine crept close to me and pulled me into his arms, hugging me tightly. "This is what you really want, mon petit? We cannot convince you to give up this plan? The whole thing is very risky and if you were to fail, if you were discovered by someone, the consequences would be serious, possibly even involving the Volturi. Please consider doing as Jed suggested."

Because of the power of Antoine's charm, and my own feelings of love and commitment to Jed and Antoine, who had saved me from myself in the lonely desert, I was tempted to agree to stay in Seattle with them. Tempted, but not decided. My gut, every feeling of intuition that I had inherited from Renee, told me that what I needed to do was to go home to Charlie, to move to Forks. In a weird way, I could feel that my destiny, whatever it entailed, awaited me there.

Jed and Antoine watched my silently, awaiting my final decision. "I love you two…so much. And I don't want to leave you. You are a part of my family now and we'll always be a coven. But please, I need closure to my human life. I need to go back to Charlie and finish school so that I can move on with the two of you later. Can you give me that at least? Two years and I will come to Seattle and stay with you."

Silence rang out in the small grove where we had been sitting for well over an hour now. The birds and other animals had long vacated the area when they sensed our deadly presence, and so there was nothing but the wind rustling the leaves to disturb the quiet.

"Two years and then you'll come back to us Bella?" Jed asked softly.

"Yes. Who else would I want to spend eternity with?" I answered back. "Like I said, I love you both very much, just as I would brothers or uncles if I had any of those. I just want two years to say goodbye to my old life."

Antoine stroked my hair. "Alright mon petit. We will do what we can to help you complete the charade so that you may live with your father for two years. Then Jed and I will stay in Seattle and set up a life for us there so that when you are ready you can join us."

"Thank you! Oh, thank you so much!" I cried joyously, hugging Antoine tightly then throwing myself at Jed to squeeze him as well.

Jed sighed. "Can't believe we're going to help you do this darlin' but your welcome. Now we just have to figure out how to explain to your papa where you've been and how you got all the way to Washington."

I laughed lightheartedly. "We'll think of something. I'm not too worried about that. I'm more concerned about how I'm going to live everyday without getting caught in the sun. Thankfully Forks has maybe a handful of sunny days a year. And how am I going to hide my red eyes? Charlie's going to notice that for sure."

"We will have to find colored contacts for you, I think, in the city, before you head for Forks. And perhaps you will be careful to always have an umbrella with you in case the clouds disappear and you are outside."

"Good idea, Antoine! Thanks you guys, I can't tell you what this means to me!" I crowed, still high on life, picturing my reunion with Charlie in my mind.

"Oh we get the idea darlin'. But you're gonna owe us for this for the next decade. This is mighty risky what you're asking us to help you do."

"No problem, anything you want," I rashly promised.

For the next several hours, Jed, Antoine, and I planned all the little details that would go into me returning to Forks. They both tried to impress upon me the seriousness of what I was undertaking, and while I acknowledged their concerns, I was too happy to dwell on the negatives for long. All I could focus on was one fact: I was going home.


	5. Chapter 5

All around me the creaking giant oaks and pines grew up towards the sky, stretching up, reaching for the sunlight that was quickly disappearing behind the horizon. Little of the sunset filtered through the intense green leaves that danced fitfully in the wind above me. Lush ferns rose up from below, painting the ground around me with the same vibrant color. Everywhere I looked I saw the secrets of nature, hauntingly just out of reach, the whispers of eons past whistling in my ears. The air tasted humid, beads of moisture collecting on every surface, and the echoes of falling drops reverberated off the solid trunks of the trees.

I was running through the intense foliage, my feet barely touching the ground, hardly disturbing the soft moss that crept along the forest floor. I dodged left and right, around tree trunks, over fallen logs, all while my hair whipped behind me like a long mahogany flag.

I was home. Here in the wilderness of the Olympic Peninsula, I felt for the first time my vampire instincts connecting in perfect harmony with the world around me. While in the sunny deserts of the south-west, I had felt as if I were a strange alien being from another world, sparkling like the sand beneath my feet. But here, in the rainforests of the Pacific Northwest, the place where I was born and the home of my fore-bears, I felt a connection spring up from my heart, a cord that bound me to this land. As I sprinted further into the reaches of forest, I let my instincts take over my body, becoming like a wild animal. I felt free and in the moment, the soft smells of the earth filling my nostrils, the chill air kissing my skin.

I was a forest-creature. I was a predator. I was dead. I was alive. So much of what I had become was completely paradoxical. And yet, the parts of me that contradicted one another, were falling into place anyway. Here, in the land of my birth, I would find the answers to my questions about life and death. Here in the Olympic Peninsula I would find my destiny. So much was riding on me finally arriving here, so much time spent traveling across the country, longing for this place, that I almost couldn't believe that I was actually here. I would see Charlie soon. I would have my life back. I could explore what it meant to be what I was by night, and keep up a normal human charade by day. I would be both creatures, both the living and the dead.

Only an hour before I had stood on the dock where the ferry was moored which would take me across the water to my home that awaited me on the other side. Antoine and Jed had seen me off, hugging me tightly and whispering in my ear that they would come over soon and visit me. I hadn't cried, keeping a tight rein on my emotions, but I felt a deep loss as we parted company. They had been my guides and protectors on my long journey. They taught me what it was to survive this new life I had been given, but they had also filled a deep hole in my soul from the death of Renee. They were members of my family now. But I couldn't take them with me this first time to Forks. They had hinted, even coming close to offering to go with me, but they had known deep down that I needed to do this by myself. While no one is meant to travel life's journey alone, I knew that the kind of closure I was searching for, only I could find. Jed and Antoine were amazing individuals, but they didn't belong to the Olympic Peninsula like I did. This quest I was on was about homecoming, soul-searching, and healing. There would be time in my life for Jed and Antoine later.

The light of the sun finally drifted away, leaving behind a melancholy, wistful darkness. Shadows danced behind every turn and the mist from the clouds seemed to cover the forest in an ethereal blanket. I breathed deeply again, trying to take in as much of the environment as I could. I wanted to revel in this place, roll around in the dirt, moss, and leaves. I wanted to become the darkness, lose myself, my cares and worries in the wonders of nature that surrounded me. In that moment, life was bigger than just me. I had transcended Isabella Swan, and ascended into a new reality.

Feelings of deep faith have eluded me much of my life, but it was that first run through the rainforest of the Olympic Peninsula that I felt the real presence of God. It was as if a veil had been lifted from my eyes, granting me true sight of the divine that existed everywhere, but remains hidden to the ordinary sight. There was no logic or reason behind this ecstasy I was feeling, but I felt transfigured nonetheless. I continued to run, but my eyes drifted past the scenery, and I saw in my mind's eye Renee, not at the gas-station, but instead, the beauty of her soul. I was sure that it wasn't just my imagination, but that she truly existed before me as she had in life. I communed with her while I could, but eventually the vision ended just as my feet carried me to the edge of the forest.

I stared at the lonely highway that would lead me into the town of Forks, ruminating on what I had just experienced. Again, I had no guarantees of an afterlife or of God, but I had faith, for the first time, that they existed nonetheless.

Words sprung to mind from deep in my subconscious where they had been lurking there after I had once again perused the Bible Renee had left me.

Psalm 19

"The heavens are telling the glory of God;  
and the firmament* proclaims his handiwork….

There is no speech, nor are there words;  
their voice is not heard;  
4yet their voice* goes out through all the earth,  
and their words to the end of the world."

I had found that voice that speaks on a different frequency from that of the rest of the world, and it left me feeling humbled and speechless in awe. I would come back here, I promised myself, to think of Renee, to think of life and God and the meaning behind it all. This would be my sacred place.

With one last longing look behind me, I resolutely turned back towards Forks, to the life that awaited me with Charlie.

I stuck close to the road, only ducking back into the shadows of the forest when a lonely set of headlights would come into view. While I wasn't purposefully avoiding humans at this point, it still wouldn't be prudent for Chief Swan's daughter to be spotted alone by the side of the road. That would mean too many questions I wasn't prepared to answer.

As I quickly made me way closer to town, I tried not to anticipate what Charlie's reaction would be. I didn't want to get my hopes up if it ended up playing out differently from what I imagined. Charlie was a man who thrived on routine, on the normal and expected. Sure, his job required that he tackle the occasional crisis or two, but there was no way I could predict how he would react to his missing daughter showing up on his doorstep, fifteen-hundred miles away from the last place she had been spotted.

Deciding it would be safer to cut through the woods and approach the house from the back, rather than stick to the streets of Forks and risk being seen, I left the highway and ran gleefully through the underbrush.

As the two-story frame house came into view, I almost felt like I had a heartbeat again, such was the joy and anticipation I was feeling at that moment. The lights were on, I could see. Charlie must be still up, since it wasn't long past sunset. At the beginning of my run across the peninsula, I had stopped several times to feed on whatever large animal I could find, so that now as I stood poised to meet my father, I felt very little of the usual burning in my throat. Before I made my way around to the front door, I snuck quietly to the back, trying to breathe in his scent and become used to it. Even as I picked up the smell of his blood, inflaming the constant burn, I had to smile because it smelled just like him from my human memories.

I stood there in the shadows of the backyard, deeply inhaling Charlie's smell until I was sure I would be able to enter the house, listening to the hum of the television inside as well as my father's steady heartbeat. Finally, when I was sure I was in complete control of my bloodlust, I circled to the front of the house and knocked softly on the front door.

I stared at the ground as I listened to the television suddenly cut off, and the shuffle of feet as Charlie stood up from the couch and made his way to the front of the house.

The door creaked open and I looked up into the eyes of my father.

"Bella?" He croaked out in confusion.

"Dad!" I cried out, opening my arms invitingly.

To my utter shock, my strong, always-in-control father broke down in tears.

"Oh God, Bella! You're alive!" And with that he sobbingly clutched me to his chest, squeezing me with all his strength, tears dripping onto the top of my head.

In that moment, I didn't have to focus on controlling my bloodlust. Though my throat was aflame with desire, there were no thoughts of acting on any of my instincts. All that existed was a father and a daughter reunited.

Some time later, Charlie seemed to come to his senses, leaning back away from me so he could look down into my face and scrutinize every part of me, as if to assure himself that I really was standing in his arms, all in one piece. No words passed between us for several minutes, until Charlie suddenly seemed to realize I had somehow magically appeared in Forks all the way from Phoenix.

Grabbing my arms, he steered me gently inside directing me to the living room.

"Bella…I…how did you get here? I mean, I can't even believe you're alive. The last report I heard from Phil today was that there hadn't been any news at all in Arizona. No leads, no Jane Does in the local hospitals matching your description, no signs of you in the surrounding wilderness. My God, honey, where the hell have you been?"

Let the lying begin. I didn't feel good about doing this, but I didn't have any other options. Charlie would never be able to accept the truth, and the threat of the Volturi was enough of a deterrent anyway. Looking up into my dad's face, I could see it was lined with the marks of stress and grief that Renee's death and my disappearance must have caused him.

"Dad, the last week and a half has been so confusing. Renee and I stopped at this gas station on our way back from Flagstaff, and these rough guys there started harassing us. We both ran away and they chased us back to the car. We just managed to get in and get away. The last thing I remember after that is us speeding down the interstate, and then everything went black. The next thing I knew, I woke up down an embankment off the side of the road. I looked back at the car and…she…Mom was dead! Well I was scared and didn't know what to do. The closest place was that gas station where those guys were, so I didn't want to go back there. I just started walking the other way, down the road, not knowing what else to do. Eventually a car stopped and picked me up, asking me where I was headed, so I just decided I should come up to Forks and stay with you…"

"What!? Bella, you…didn't go to the hospital or call the police…or even call me?? That…doesn't make any sense at all!" Charlie thundered, looking both murderous and grief-stricken at the same time.

Well I knew it made no sense, and if what I described had really happened I would have acted more sensibly and called for help. It hurt my pride to lie like this and pretend to be dumber and less mature than I really was. But how else was I going to explain my presence here in Forks? Jed, Antoine, and I had invented this cover story, and we had shaken our heads at it in incredulity ourselves, but we hadn't been able to come up with anything more plausible.

"Dad, I know now it was stupid, I mean the worst thing I could have done in that situation. But I was scared and confused…and all I could think about was poor Mom, lying there dead. Well the car that picked me up took me as far as St. George, Utah and there I met up with these really nice guys Jed and Antoine and they were on their way to Seattle so I thought that…"

"You…hitch-hiked…rode with a couple of complete strangers…all the way across the country…and didn't think to call me…" If Charlie had looked murderous before, he looked damn-well near a stroke now. He was breathing too quickly, his eyes wide in disbelief. "I've been here at home, every damn day this past week and a half, hoping you might get to a phone and call me if you were alive somewhere. I wanted to fly down to Phoenix and look for you myself except Phil convinced me it would be best to stay here in case you did think to call me. I've been going crazy here, thinking you were dead in a ditch, your body lying beside the road. And you might as well have been the way you've been trekking across the country, no one knowing where you were, accepting rides from strangers!" He looked like he was about at bursting point, so I decided it was time to intervene.

"Dad, I'm sorry! I'm so sorry dad! I should have called you! Please, say you won't stay mad at me. I promise I'll never go off on my own again." That was another lie, and I hoped God would forgive me for it.

My pleas seemed to bring Charlie out of his rage and confusion. He stared down into my face intently, memorizing every detail. Slowly, he raised his hand and started stroking my hair reverently.

"I thought for sure you were dead. I can't believe you're here and ok. Bella, promise me you'll never scare me like that again honey." And with that, he pulled me into another tight hug. Forgiveness had never felt sweeter.

The activity of the next few days proved to be intense, as there were more consequences to my disappearance than even I, Jed, or Antoine had foreseen. Charlie, after gathering his wits about him, had moved into complete police-chief mode, making me tell my story again so he could write it down to give to the police in Phoenix. I had to fudge a lot of the details, and Charlie once again almost lost his temper, hearing about my foolish behavior, but we got through it together. After that, Charlie immediately contacted Phil, Renee's boyfriend, who had been heading up both funeral arrangements for Mom, and the search effort for me. It turns out they had already buried Mom, but Charlie assured me we could fly down to Phoenix and hold our own memorial if I wanted.

Hearing his offer for us to travel back to Arizona almost had me hyperventilating, however. There was no way I wanted to return. I had moved on with that part of my life. Going back there would be like moving backwards. In order to convince Charlie that visiting Phoenix would be a bad idea, I had sobbed loudly, acting near hysterical with grief. Coming to the conclusion that the accident, Renee's death, and my bizarre cross-country journey had left me highly traumatized, Charlie had nervously dropped the suggestion, although he immediately insisted that I would be seeing a therapist in town starting next week. Great, someone else I would need to lie to.

The problem of all my personal belongings still back in the house in Phoenix didn't come up until the next day. Looking around my small bedroom in Forks, I realized I didn't have any spare clothing here, or really much of anything except a few items left over from childhood. I thought sarcastically to myself that vampire transformations in the desert have a way of making one forget the smaller details of life. When Charlie discovered my dilemma, he very wisely contacted Phil again, informing him of the trauma I had suffered as the reason why I couldn't come personally to Phoenix to pack up my stuff; he graciously volunteered to head up the effort in Arizona to get most of my belongings on a truck bound for Forks.

The next big hurdle I had to overcome was Charlie's idea that I needed to go to the hospital for a complete check-up. I had nearly panicked at that. How was I supposed to pretend to be human when I didn't have a pulse, blood-pressure, or temperature? I needed to stay away from doctors at all costs. Charlie knew of my aversion to hospitals from all my time spent there due to my clumsiness as a human, so it didn't seem out of character for me to refuse to go. I thought Charlie was going to be stubborn and threaten to carry me to the hospital himself, but I managed to talk him out of it by showing him my arms, calves, and the back of my head, proving to him I was all in one piece.

The long days of June slipped away, one by one, and my life developed into a peaceful comfortable routine. I spent my days doing small chores around the house, cleaning and cooking (though the smells were repulsive I still retained the knowledge), and I even ventured outside to run errands to the local grocery store. Charlie, seeing that I was a bit hampered without a vehicle of my own to drive, surprised me one day by declaring that he had bought a truck for me off of Billy Black who lived on the Quileute reservation down in La Push. While I didn't mind walking at all these days, I couldn't tell Charlie that, and a truck would certainly be faster than having to walk around town at a normal human pace.

The following day, I stood at the stove, preparing steak for Charlie's dinner once he arrived home from work. I had to be careful all the time now, leaving evidence to indicate I had already eaten, to continue the charade that I was a healthy, living human. I most often threw snack wrappers in the trash can, or left bread crusts on a plate by the sink. I never ate dinner with Charlie, always claiming that I got hungry before he came home and had eaten by myself. In reality, I snuck out of my bedroom window every night, after hearing that Charlie had fallen deeply asleep, and ran into the forest beyond the house to catch my own meals.

It was six in the evening when I heard the approach of Charlie's police cruiser coming down the street, as well as the distinctive rattle of another older vehicle. To my surprise, they both turned in at the driveway and the ignitions cut off. I heard conversation after that between my dad and two other people I didn't recognize yet, so I turned the burners on the stove off, wiped my hands on my jeans, and curiously approached the front door to see who had arrived home with my dad.

There in the driveway was Charlie unloading a wheelchair from the back of his cruiser and helping a middle-aged Native American man out from the passenger side. A boy, maybe two years younger than me was assisting in the process. I was surprised that Charlie had obviously let this youngster drive the second vehicle in the driveway, an old red Chevy truck, but I assumed with my dad following close behind him from the reservation, Charlie had decided to forgo the technicality of a driver's license. This was obviously Billy Black having arrived for a visit along with my new truck which Charlie had bought from him. I searched my memory for the name of his son, eventually coming up with the name of Jacob Black, a kid I had played with when I was much younger.

Once Billy was settled in his wheelchair, Charlie and Jacob steered him up the front sidewalk to the two steps that led to the door. I opened the screen door, planning to offer my assistance in the process of getting his chair into the house.

"Hey Bella. You remember my friend Billy Black and his son Jacob right?" Charlie introduced.

At that, Billy looked up from the ground, finally catching my eye. To my shock, the man completely stilled in his chair, frozen in disbelief as he looked me up and down in growing horror. His nostrils flared, sniffing audibly in my direction. He focused intensely on my eyes, and I suddenly felt self-conscious about the colored contacts I had acquired while in Seattle, knowing that behind the strange murky brown color lurked the red eyes of an unnatural creature.

In a moment of gut-wrenching fear, I realized that this Native American man knew exactly what I was. I had no idea what had given him the insight, but his reaction to me was barely concealed; I was sure that if he had been able to walk he would have sprung out of that wheelchair and retreated as quickly as possible. I was close to panicking, not knowing if this man would expose me to my dad. Should I run away? Or could I somehow communicate to him that I had never, nor would I in the future, ever touch a drop of human blood. How could I diffuse this impossible situation?

Jacob seemed to be the first to realize that something was decidedly off in the interaction between his dad and me. He looked with confused innocence between us, baffled as to why his father would look at me like I had two heads and why my face held an expression of trepidation at his presence.

"Dad…you ok? Charlie and I are going to lift your chair into the house now alright?"

"Sure…sure thing son," Billy Black answered back automatically, his gaze never once leaving mine.

Charlie glanced up at me in confusion, obviously wondering why I was standing there like a statue instead of making polite conversation, holding the door, or helping lift Billy's chair. Snapping out of my stupefaction, I decided the only thing for it would be to play it cool and try to show this man through my behavior that I was under control and not a threat to my dad or anyone else. Maybe there would be an opportunity later to corner Billy one on one and assure him directly of the same.

"Welcome to the house! It's been awhile since I was here in Forks so I didn't recognize the two of you at first. Thanks so much for selling the truck to Charlie, it's going to help me out quite a bit getting around town and then back and forth from school once that starts in the fall." I cheerfully held out my hand for Jacob to shake, but wisely didn't offer the same gesture to Billy. Intuition told me this man wouldn't touch me with a twenty-foot pole.

Billy looked at me with barely concealed aggression, and did not seem inclined to make conversation, so Jacob stepped up to fill in the void.

"Yeah, didn't we used to make mud pies down by the creek? Those were the days! You look great by the way. So I heard you've come to live with Charlie now. Would you want to hang out sometime?"

Billy looked like he might have a heart attack.

"We'll see. Right now I have a lot to do around the house. Charlie isn't much of a homemaker so I've been doing chores mostly. So how's everyone doing at the reservation? Your sisters still around?"

Jacob and I continued our conversation while Charlie struck up with Billy about the latest baseball game. I noticed out of the corner of my eye that while Billy was focused on what Charlie was saying, his responses were fairly absent-minded. I could almost see the wheels turning in his head, the man trying to process exactly what kind of threat I posed to the people around me.

"Would you two like to stay for dinner?" I interrupted the men's conversation, standing up to move into the kitchen. "I made extra steaks so that Charlie could have left-overs, but I'm sure he'd be willing to share."

"Great idea Bella! Billy, we'll have dinner and then we can watch the game tonight if you want," Charlie suggested enthusiastically.

Billy looked a bit upset at this plan, and was mentally trying to figure out an excuse to get back out of the house, I was sure.

"We can stay for steaks, but Jacob and I need to get back to the rez soon after that. I have some business I need to bring up with the rest of the tribe…"

"Dad, I didn't hear there was a meeting tonight," interjected Jacob innocently.

"It's just something that came up, that's all." Billy finished, trying to put a damper on the subject.

Charlie didn't seem phased by this slight alteration to his plans, and soon turned the subject back to sports while I headed into the kitchen to start fixing plates. Jacob followed me in and we had a nice conversation talking about this and that, school, music, and friends. He was a sweet kid, and I found myself wistfully imagining a different life, where I was alive and could whole-heartedly go about making him my friend, planning trips to La Push or meeting him here in Forks to hang out for the day. It would be nice to have someone to spend time with near my own age. But those fantasies were immediately put to rest by Billy's accusatory glare when I came back into the living room, bearing warm plates of steak, potatoes, and green beans.

"Where's your plate Bella? Aren't you hungry?" Jacob asked while digging enthusiastically into the home-cooked meal. With his mom and sisters gone, I wasn't sure how often he got a dinner that had been cooked over a stove instead of in a microwave.

Billy looked up at me again, scrutinizing me carefully, almost daring me to say something incriminating about my dietary habits.

Without blinking, I lied smoothly. "Oh I ate already. I tend to snack throughout the day so that by the time Charlie gets home I never feel like eating a full dinner with him."

Billy blanched at the word "snack", obviously interpreting the worst from my innocent statement.

"Huh, you're not a vegetarian are you?" Jacob asked accusingly, all while savoring the juicy steak on his own plate.

I smiled widely at that. "Actually Jacob you might say I've just recently become a very strict vegetarian. Not that I don't crave certain things now and again, but I've decided the truly humanitarian thing to do is to abstain completely from those urges."

Understanding the hidden meaning behind me words, Billy's fork paused half-way to his mouth, his eyes widening at the implication of what I had said. It seemed he wasn't quite sure whether he should take me seriously or not. I sympathized with him. If I knew there was a blood-thirsty vampire in town, I wouldn't know if I could trust their assurances that they had "kicked the habit".

Jacob looked back up at me again from his plate. "Well, that's too bad you don't eat meat anymore, 'cause this steak is amazing!"

"Believe me Jacob, abstaining is hard work. I feel tempted to give in sometimes. But I care way too much about….the animals…to murder and eat them senselessly. I don't want that on my conscience"

"That's funny Bella, I didn't know you were into animal rights like that," Charlie looked at me suspiciously.

"Oh, it's a recent thing. Ever since the…accident in Phoenix…I've come to the realization that life is exceedingly precious and since I have a second-chance here with you Dad, I just thought I would honor it for what it's worth."

Charlie looked a little uncomfortable that I had alluded to what had happened in Phoenix. Having dealt with the consequences of the whole incident, he hadn't brought the topic back up with me, wanting to move on with life and forget that I had recklessly hitch-hiked across the country. Jacob, however, looked fascinated with what I had said. I could only assume he had heard rumors, like the rest of the town, about where I had been in early June, all of Forks having been informed about the disappearance of the Chief of Police's daughter when I first went missing.

"So Bella, is it true you made it all the way here to Forks by yourself from Arizona? What was that like?" Jacob couldn't help satiating his intense curiosity concerning anything adventurous or daring. I'm sure to him, I must have looked like some kind of hero, throwing off the shackles of family and home and going where the wind blew me.

Fortunately I didn't have to answer that question about my journey because Billy cut in a little harshly. "Jacob, I'm sure she doesn't want to talk about that."

Jacob, abashed, took the hint that he had done something impolite, and gave me a rueful look. My heart went out to him, he was so endearing.

After that awkward moment, I stood back up to gather the empty plates, picked clean of my home-cooking. As soon as I passed into the kitchen, I heard Billy start to make his excuses that he and Jacob really needed to head back, if it wouldn't be too much trouble, for that tribal meeting. Thankfully, Charlie took it in stride, and he and Jacob carried Billy's chair out the front door and back down to the cruiser.

After Billy was settled in the passenger side of the car, he turned smoothly to Charlie and Jacob saying, "Hey son, maybe you should show Charlie before we leave the work you did on the truck's carburetor. You know, just in case it starts going out again like it used to, you can point out to him what to look for when it's acting up."

"Sure dad, no problem," Jacob agreed cheerfully. He and Charlie wandered over to the other side of the driveway and popped the hood of the old Chevy. Seeing it for the ruse that it was I quickly walked over to the open window of the car and stared down at the man who knew my secret.

He stared back at me aggressively. Before I could open my mouth to make my assurances, he said hurriedly, "If what you claim is true…about your…diet…then come to the outskirts of La Push tonight at eleven and wait for the tribal elders there. Do not enter the reservation, or you will be torn apart. We have much to discuss."

I looked back at him in surprise, but didn't have time to offer a response as Charlie and Jacob were already coming back around to us.

I stood in the driveway, waving absent-mindedly to the cruiser pulling away from the house to take Billy and Jacob back to La Push. What had Billy meant about having much to discuss? Did more people know about the secret world of vampires? And how could they possibly threaten me with violence when I was so much stronger than they were? It didn't make any sense, but I never once doubted the man's word. If he could so assuredly threaten me, I felt sure he had reason behind it to back it up. I would have to be cautious with the tribe and do everything I could to show them that I was innocent of the crimes they would attribute to me.

Charlie came back soon and spent the evening as he usually did, parked in front of the television watching the sports channel. I busied myself around the house, trying to act normal, but soon gave up and retreated to my room to do some investigating of my own. My stuff from the house in Phoenix had arrived just earlier that week, and it had taken me some time unpacking and sorting the various boxes. Among the things that Phil had included was my old desktop computer. It was slow, but Charlie and I had hooked it up anyway to the internet. I turned it on and waited for the internet browser to load. Once it was up and running, I did a search for the Quileute tribe. Finding only basic history and information, I narrowed my search to include tribal legends. That got me a bit further, as I found a few websites dedicated to Native American stories and legends that included the Quileutes. At first, as I scrolled down the screen, skimming the various articles, nothing popped out at me as being relevant. There weren't any allusions to vampirism that I could find, but instead the stories seemed to revolve around the origins of the tribe, the people being descended from wolves. Apparently, several of the articles indicated that throughout the centuries, the people retained the ability to morph into the form of their animal ancestors.

I sat back in my chair and stared thoughtfully at my screen. Some connection I was missing was dancing at the edge of my thoughts, frustrating me that I couldn't put these facts together. Why would the Quileutes know about vampires? When Billy had first showed signs that he recognized me for what I was, my initial thought was that he had had a personal experience, like I had, with vampires, and that was how he saw through my charade. But in his warning to me, he had indicated that the tribal elders would be involved. Obviously more people were in on the secret. Why would a group of people who claimed to be the sons and daughters of wolves know about vampires?

Frustrated that I seemed to be making no headway, I turned the computer off and picked up instead one of my favorite novels that I had started rereading. Having been turned into a creature that didn't require sleep, but who also was endowed with a photographic memory, I found it challenging during that first summer in Forks to adequately pass the time. I could read faster than ever before, and remember every single word on each page. I never grew tired, and so was left pacing the floor of my bedroom waiting for Charlie to fall asleep so that I could slip out the window and run free through the forest. I felt myself growing especially impatient that evening, as I waited for the clock to read ten forty-five.

Finally, I was rewarded for my wait when I heard the TV click off at ten-thirty. Charlie shuffled off to his own bedroom, and I waited yet again for the sounds indicating that he had crawled into bed and was on his way to sleep.

Fifteen minutes later, I gracefully stepped to my bedroom window, and slowly eased the old wooden frame up so that I could squeeze out onto the roof outside. I jumped down lithely to the ground, and with a quick check behind me to make sure I hadn't been heard, I took off running into the forest, headed for the coast.

I timed my arrival so that I reached the boundary line that marked tribal property at exactly five minutes until eleven. Not wanting to be spotted by anyone driving on the nearby road at night, I waited silently in the shadows under the hanging canopy of the forest. A few minutes later, five men arrived from the reservation, looking cautiously around them for my presence. With my keen eyesight, I spotted one man in particular who looked like he was wound tighter than the others. He was visibly shaking, his whole body tense with exertion. He seemed to be trying to keep himself under control, much like I had done in the gravel parking lot of the diner when I had smelled that biker's blood spilling on the ground. He was younger than the other four men, looking to be in his early twenties, and his hair was cut close to his head. He was shirtless and wore a ragged pair of sweatpants that had definitely seen better days.

Just as I was about to move from the shadows and creep closer to the men assembled near the road, the wind shifted, blowing from behind me toward them. His head snapping up in my direction, the odd young man looked directly at me, somehow spotting me through the darkness. He snarled aggressively and looked like he was about to impulsively spring in my direction, when Billy Black, seated in his chair, reached out a hand to calm him. As soon as he touched the younger man, he shook more violently than before, struggling with himself internally.

Seeing this as my cue to approach, I very slowly crept out from my hiding place, my hands outstretched in a sign of peace. I walked deliberately, but with caution towards the group. The men watched me warily, until one of their number held up his hand, signaling me to stop where I was. They obviously didn't want me too close.

"Blood-sucker," Billy Black addressed me harshly, "you are not welcome here. The leaders of the Quileute tribe ask that you leave this place and never return. You are a threat to our people and to the community of Forks. We will not stand by and watch you murder innocent humans."

I paused. Gathering my thoughts about me, I proceeded slowly. "I am what you call me. But I am no threat to anyone. I have never touched the blood of humans. I feed only on the animals of the forest. Billy Black, you saw for yourself that I manage to live with my human father and he is still alive. I have been here for weeks and no word has reached you of murders or missing persons in the community. Through force, I was turned into a monster, but I choose to fight my instincts and live differently."

"You are a filthy abomination! It's all your fault! You are the reason this inheritance has come to me and I will make you pay for it!" The young man was yelling hysterically at me, his eyes wild with furious rage. He would have attacked me for sure, if it hadn't of been, yet again, for the restraining hand of Billy Black.

I was a bit confused so I stayed silent and let the tribe decide how to go on.

"You may have eluded our notice these past few weeks, but we do not have any assurances that you will hold true to what you claim. We have no reason to trust you."

I was starting to become a little frustrated. They seemed determined to think the absolute worst of me. I had no credibility with them despite my years spent visiting with these people during the summers of my youth.

"But you know me! I'm still Bella! That hasn't changed. I may be a…filthy blood-sucker…as you called me, but I still have a conscience!"

"Lies! Her kind are incapable of mercy!" The young man was shouting again.

Billy Black shook his head at him, then turned back to me.

"We have heard before of your kind abstaining from human blood. This is not a new concept to us. What we demand is proof that we can hold you to your word."

I stared at the somber faces of the Quileute tribal leaders, trying to think of a way that could communicate the remorse I felt for the temptation that lived constantly inside of me. Looking down at my hands, I noticed the rosary that I always wore now, shining in the pale moonlight that floated down from above.

I looked back at the Quileutes, and to their surprise I fell down onto my knees before them. "Please…let me stay here! Back in Arizona, I was forced to watch as a blood-sucker tormented my mother and then drained her dry. I watched her die before me. Then he bit me, and left me in the desert. This life is not what I chose for myself. All I can think about when I feel the burning in my throat are the eyes of my mother as she finally succumbed to death. I refuse to live like a monster. So I offer you my word, I promise all of you, that I will not drink from humans, not here, and not anywhere. I swear this on this rosary I wear around my neck, the last gift my mother ever gave me before she was taken from me."

The Quileutes weren't Catholic, obviously, but I thought they might appreciate the seriousness of what I was doing. I was invoking the name of God, and of my dead mother, in this promise I was making them. Surely it would be enough for them to see how sincere I was.

There was a long pause as the tribal leaders digested what I had said. After exchanging poignant looks with one another, Billy finally addressed me again.

"Above all else, we would wish for you to leave this place and never return. We do not want to take on the risk of living so close to a blood-sucker, even one who swears off human blood. However, since you seem determined to stay, we offer you a treaty…"

"No! Not again!" roared the young man, interrupting once more. Billy restrained him, but the shaking seemed to have become worse, the young Quileute clutching at his short hair in frustration.

After another moment, Billy continued. "The stipulations of this treaty include that you do not drink from humans…ever. If you violate this we will retaliate swiftly. If you cross into Quileute territory, including the reservation and the La Push beach, we will hunt you down. In return, we will not expose your true identity to others, nor will we stalk or harass you in Forks or the surrounding forests. Do you agree to these terms?"

"I do," I responded solemnly, rising once again to my feet to stand before these equally serious men. I thought that the meeting was at a close, and so I turned in order to walk away, but Billy Black called out to me once more.

"Blood-sucker! One more thing. You should know that what you are up against if you violate the treaty. We do not make idle threats."

And with that, Billy nodded in the young man's direction, giving him some kind of signal.

To my horror, the man roared, literally howled in triumph, and before my eyes sprang high into the air, exploding in a mass of fur, teeth, and claws. His pants were ripped to shreds on the ground as they made way for a massive figure crouched on all fours before me. With dawning realization, I understood that this young man had become a giant wolf, the size of a bear. He growled viciously at me, and bowed his head low in warning. I took the hint and backed away slowly, without turning my back to the animal. As I put more distance between myself and the tribal elders, I saw Billy Black's face one last time, his face etched into a smug grin of satisfaction. I turned quickly and sprinted back into the forest.

I ran through the dark woods, bouncing agilely back and forth around trees and rocks. I was a blur of motion as my thoughts raced just as quickly. It took me many minutes to finally process what I had seen, but my vampire senses did not lie, so I was forced to accept the truth. The Native American legends I had read were real and I had dangerous enemies lurking in the forest, only loosely bound by a verbal treaty. I would be very cautious in the future to stay on the good side of the Quileutes.

Thinking to myself that the night couldn't get any weirder, I was looking forward to getting back to the house and mentally sorting through what had happened with the tribal elders. Deciding first that I should feed before returning home, I abruptly changed course, heading deeper into the woods in search of prey. I soon caught the scent of a large male elk only a few miles away, and so I raced forward, ignoring everything else around me, until I spotted the animal in a clearing. I killed it quickly, drinking from it after I had mercifully snapped its neck. I crouched low over its body, letting my instincts take over and I greedily drank the rich tangy blood that tasted of a mixture between the earth and salt.

As I finished swallowing the last of the blood, I suddenly froze in fear. There was someone else in the forest with me. My vampire senses were stretched out beyond myself, taking in the thousands of stimuli around me. I could feel another presence watching me feed. Jolting up from my kill, I looked across the clearing directly into the eyes of a teenage male. He seemed about my age. He was tall and slim, had elegantly handsome features that could have been carved from marble, and his bronze hair arose from his head in a wild, messy array. Peculiarly, his eyes were a shade of glowing amber. I might have guessed he was a human, but I could smell him even from a distance. He also stood crouched, but instead of looking at me aggressively as I would have expected from a strange vampire, his expression was of complete surprise. He stared at me as if I were the most shocking thing he had ever beheld.

We looked at each other, frozen in our tracks, until I came back to my senses and realized he was a stranger I knew nothing about and I had no idea if there were others with him. Deciding I didn't want to stick around if that were the case, I turned on my heels and ran swiftly in the other direction. I didn't want to lead him back to Forks and Charlie, so I ducked and dodged crazily through the forest, hoping to lose him along the way. To my consternation, I heard him call out to me, "Wait!" and then I recognized the sound of swift feet following in my direction. Looking over my shoulder at my pursuer, I shuddered in fear, realizing he was gaining on me.


	6. Chapter 6

Psalm 17

"Guard me as the apple of the eye;  
hide me in the shadow of your wings,  
9from the wicked who despoil me,  
my deadly enemies who surround me….

They track me down;* now they surround me;  
they set their eyes to cast me to the ground.  
12They are like a lion eager to tear,  
like a young lion lurking in ambush."

The middle of a crisis is not the time to be reciting Hebrew poetry, but I was doing it nonetheless. I threw myself forward through the brush, jumping over creeks, bouncing off of massive tree trunks, hurdling fallen logs, all in the hopes that I could lose my pursuer. All the while I chanted the words of Psalm 17 under my breath, hoping that the heavens would hear my prayer and grant me escape from this potential danger. I chanced another stolen look behind me, and was horrified to see this strong male vampire was faster than the wind, barreling towards me with grace and precision. In that moment I could almost see him as a great lion running his quarry to the earth. His expression was one of complete intensity, staring me down as if I were a meek lamb he had culled from the herd, intended now for his meal.

Realistically, I didn't know if this stranger meant harm to me or not, but with the encounter with the Quileutes in mind, not to mention the close shave I had had with the Miller Coven in Idaho, I was understandably feeling jumpy and a bit mistrustful. Maybe if Antoine and Jed had been there running beside me in the forest I would have felt the confidence to turn and confront this strange vampire with the bronze hair and amber eyes, but I was alone, and he was most likely not.

Glancing behind me once again, I was startled to see he was almost on my heels, and was putting on an extra spurt of speed in order to grab me and halt me in my tracks. Thinking quickly, I tried maneuvering side to side, hoping to throw him off my trail with unexpected turns, ducks, and jumps. It worked for a few minutes, but suddenly I felt two arms wrap around my torso and a tall, lean, masculine body crashed into mine, sending us both tumbling chaotically to the ground.

As we made contact with the forest floor, his arms tightened around me to keep me from recovering my footing and continuing the race. In retaliation, I tried kicking him hard in any body part that was within my reach. Hearing him grunt a few times in pain, I kept it up, thrashing around in his arms to try to break free. I didn't necessarily want to rip him to shreds, I just wanted to escape and ensure my own safety.

He may have been fast on his feet, faster than anyone I had encountered before, but I proved to be stronger. One of my kicks must have connected with a sensitive area because he suddenly let me go, using one hand to clutch himself in pain, but his other hand clamped around my wrist, keeping me from making my escape.

"Let me go!" I demanded indignantly, trying desperately to wrench my hand free from his grip.

He growled at me, "Settle down, girl, I don't want to hurt you! I just want to ask you some questions, that's all!"

I looked up into his face, staring at him intently, trying to discern if he were telling the truth or not.

He looked back at me broodingly. His right eye twitched a little, probably from the pain he was still feeling from my kick that connected close to his groin. He was devilishly handsome, his face cut in sharp angles, casting shadows about his eyes that gave the impression that a melancholy, introspective soul lurked beneath. His stare bore into mine, and to my surprise, a magnetic force shot through me. I felt an intense burning sensation crawl insistently up and down my spine and spread throughout my extremities. In a moment of sudden clarity, I realized I was attracted to this strange vampire. Being only sixteen, I had impersonally appreciated the physical appearance of boys in my school, and I even admired the handsome faces and bodies of Jed and Antoine, but they did not make my stomach clench like this young man did.

I was startled out of my silent assessment of him when he pulled me towards him. He was staring at me with such concentration that I thought he was trying to split open my head with his gaze alone. After a minute without speaking to me, he scowled in frustration.

"Why can't I hear you?"

"Excuse me?" I asked in some confusion

He looked at me in the eyes again, but just shook his head saying, "Never mind. It's not important. But answer me this: Where did you learn to drink animal blood?"

He watched my expression closely, trying to read my face much like Jed was able to do naturally. The question confused me a little. He had asked it very neutrally, with no accusation in his voice. Did he want to know because he was merely curious or did he mean to castigate and tease me for my unorthodox lifestyle choice?

I looked him squarely in the eye and replied back, "No one taught me, I did it myself."

If anything his frown only increased. "You? But you're a newborn. Do you honestly expect me to believe that you hunt animals instead of humans? No one can control their bloodlust like that the first year of their transformation." He looked at me skeptically and sounded so condescending that I instantly felt myself tremble in furious anger. Who was this guy to chase me through the forest and demand explanations without giving any of his own?

I tried to jerk my arm away from him, but he held on tight, growling low under his breath in warning.

"Look, I don't know who you are mister, but I don't owe you any answers! Now let me go!"

"You do owe me answers. You're here in my family's territory, and therefore you threaten our exposure here. Or did no one tell you that a vampire coven lived here on the Olympic Peninsula?" His face was still neutral, but his tone of voice was cold and distant. Looking back into his eyes, however, I could see suppressed emotion swirling in their depths.

"I had heard that a coven by the name of Cullen claimed the Seattle area. I assumed that the Olympic Peninsula was not included in their sphere of control," I replied back proudly, not letting him intimidate me at all.

"Well you assumed incorrectly. We live here and so I must ask you to come back with me and talk with my family. We will be needing information about you if you intend on staying here any amount of time." He tugged on my wrist, as if he expected me to go along with him without any resistance.

"Meet the rest of your coven? No way! You can't expect me to meet a group of strange vampires when I'm by myself! I don't trust you…hell I don't even know you! You could be planning on ganging up on me with your family and ripping me to pieces!"

My accusations seemed to startle him briefly, as if he hadn't considered the situation from my point of view until that moment.

He smiled ironically, although it didn't reach his eyes. "No I suppose I can't expect that of you. However, if I let you go, a newborn, I run the risk of you losing control and attacking the nearby humans. In one short moment you would undue all of my family's careful planning and effort to live here inconspicuously."

"Well that's not my problem," I bit back harshly, not liking where this conversation was going. "You've seen me kill an elk and I tell you now I've never attacked a human. My self-control is my gift and if you find that so hard to believe then too bad for you. What could I possibly gain by telling you these things if they were lies?"

He paused, obviously thinking through my logic.

"You're right. You have no reason to lie about your diet, and it doesn't make sense that you would make up self-control as a gift. You must be telling the truth."

I was shocked that he had agreed with me so easily. "So you'll let me go then?" I asked uncertainly.

He frowned again. "I should make you come back with me and talk with Carlisle, my father. There is more that I need to discover about you. But it would be unreasonable for me to expect you to trust my word that you would remain unharmed. Therefore I must ask you to meet me again when I can bring my father back to talk with you in person."

"Great, meet with you again? 'Cause this conversation has been a real cup of tea…" I murmured sarcastically. The strange vampire's only reaction was his eyebrows furrowing deeply between his eyes. He obviously didn't appreciate my sense of humor.

"Fine," I finally agreed impatiently, anxious to get rid of my insistent captor, "I'll meet this father of yours and maybe I'll answer some questions, although I don't promise to tell you all about my business. Can we just meet here again? It seems to be neutral enough territory."

The bronze-haired boy shrugged indifferently. "That's fine. I'll bring Carlisle with me tomorrow night at this time. Please be here, I'd rather not have to chase you down again."

"Is that a threat?" I asked angrily, secretly worried that he might follow me back to Forks anyway to discover where I was living. Such a scenario might put Charlie in danger, and that was something I would not stand for in the least.

"No, it isn't a threat. I told you I don't want to hurt you. But I do want answers, so I will find you again if that's what is needed. I would just rather prefer a friendly and equable meeting here rather than taking on the difficult job of hunting you all across Washington State," he replied, looking at me like I was a naughty child he was hoping to persuade to be on her best behavior. This guy was so full of himself I was ready to punch him square in the face. The fact that I felt attracted to his intense good looks only fueled my anger.

"Well I'm not exactly feeling very generous towards you, so unless you let me go in exactly ten seconds I promise to not meet you anywhere on God's green earth!"

He looked back at me dourly, but to my surprise he released my wrist, snatching his hand back, as if he were grateful himself to sever the small connection with me.

"Thanks," I replied sarcastically, rubbing my wrist with my other hand. I wouldn't bruise, like I had as a human, but the pressure he had put on my joint still caused it to ache a bit.

The stranger merely nodded gravely in response. He turned to leave the small clearing where our chase had come to a halt, but before he took off running, he looked back at me over his shoulder.

"You will be here tomorrow night?" He asked me, looking at me pointedly.

"I said I would be!" I snapped back at him, ready for this interrogation to come to a conclusion.

The stranger's expression tightened in exasperation. "Fine, until then." And then he took off running through the forest, quickly disappearing from sight.

Thank God he was gone. That guy was a real piece of work. I was still fuming about the whole encounter an hour later as I lay down on my bed, staring angrily up at the ceiling, imagining all the insults and witty retorts I could have hurled back at him but hadn't had the presence of mind to think of earlier. For some reason, the strange vampire's detached, brusque manner irritated me a hundred times more than the downright rude insults and accusations the Quileutes had hurled at me. Turning it over in my head, I realized that, while the Quileutes had threatened me, I could sympathize with their situation. I could put myself in their place and see what a threat a vampire would be to the community. But as for the stranger I had met in the forest, he was a mystery to me. I couldn't fathom why he felt the need to interrogate me. He had claimed that he wouldn't hurt me, that he only wanted to talk, but why else would he want to detain me if it weren't for territorial reasons? Was he possibly laying a trap for me? Would my next encounter with him prove to be a violent ambush by the other coven members, intent on ridding the peninsula of all competition?

The next day dawned and I stayed in my room, listening to the sounds of Charlie going through his daily morning routine. I had been lying there on my bed for some hours and I still didn't have any answers. Deciding I wouldn't get anywhere without more information, I softly padded out of my room once Charlie had left for the station. I collected all the dirty laundry that Charlie had left in his wake, and headed downstairs to start a few household chores to take my mind off my current problem.

The day passed uneventfully until the early afternoon when the phone rang. Thinking it might be Charlie calling to offer to pick up a pizza on his way home from work that evening, I picked it up cheerfully.

"Hello?"

"Bells! It's Jacob!"

I was deeply surprised. Jacob had shown an enthusiastic boyish interest in me the day before, but after the secret meeting I had had with the father, I definitely did not expect the son to try to contact me. I had figured that my interaction with the Quileutes was at an end.

"Oh, hello Jacob," I replied in a falsely cheery tone of voice. "Charlie's at work if you're calling here looking for him."

"Don't be silly Bella, I called to talk to you! I was hoping we could hang out today, you know, go into town and catch a movie or something."

"Oh…well Jacob…I'm pretty busy and I don't know if I'll be able to get out of the house at all so…" I stumbled, trying to invent a good reason why I couldn't spend time with this good-natured kid.

"This isn't about my dad is it?" He interrupted unexpectedly.

"Why would you say that?" I asked cautiously, wondering what he knew.

"Oh well I noticed he didn't like you at all while we were at your house yesterday and once we got back home to the rez he flat out told me to never hang out with you! I was surprised 'cause what could be so bad about you?"

I laughed hollowly in response, "Yeah…I don't know Jacob."

"Anyway, I asked dad what his deal was and he just said that you were no good for me. I asked him what the hell he meant by that and do you know what he said?" He asked, his voice full of mirth, as if he were leading up to a really good joke.

"Well I think I could make a few guesses, but go ahead and tell me the worst," I said, humoring him all while a deep sinking feeling settled in my gut.

"He said you were a cold-one! He actually believes our old legends and thinks you're some kind of monster! I think I laughed in his face for a good ten minutes, but that only got him more steamed, and he actually ordered me to stay away from you!"

"So why are you calling me then Jake? I don't want to get you in trouble…" I said sadly, disappointed that Billy had told my deep dark secret, even if his son didn't believe him.

"Are you serious?! There's no way I'm going to listen to the old man when he makes ridiculous demands like that and accuses you of being a blood-sucker. I mean, that's insane! I think his real problem is that he's heard all the rumors about what happened to you last month and how you hitch-hiked here from Arizona. He probably thinks you're some kind of rough trouble-maker or something stupid like that, but instead of giving me the real reason he thinks I'll listen to his tribal bull-shit. So c'mon Bella! When can you come get me? You can drive the truck and pick me up at the rez border, you don't even have to come in and risk being seen by my dad. Then we can head to Port Angeles and goof of for the day, it'll be great!"

Vampires don't get headaches, but standing there in the kitchen with the phone to my ear, sorting through all of the messes that had dropped into my lap in the last twenty-four hours, my thoughts were starting to swirl in my mind very uncomfortably. How could I discourage Jake for his own good without hurting his feelings? A crushing set-down from me, an older girl and one-time childhood friend, would probably stunt him emotionally for years.

"Look Jake," I started out gently, "I think you are an amazing guy. I would absolutely love to spend time with you, but in this case, I think your dad is right. I'm not a good friend for you."

"No way! You'd be a totally awesome friend! You're smart, pretty, brave, and you take good care of Charlie. Plus, your cooking is out of this world!"

I had to laugh at that. I had this kid's unwavering devotion for life, all because I fed him a well-cooked steak. "Jacob, I may be all those things you said, but I think you should listen to your dad. Things aren't always what they seem, and I'm telling you he's right; I'm too dangerous to hang around with."

"Dangerous? You?" I could hear Jacob snorting in disbelief through the phone. "I mean, don't get me wrong Bells, I think it's cool that you are a little wild, but I can take care of myself," he stated proudly, "I'm not going to let you or anyone else talk me into doing anything stupid like racing motorcycles or jumping off of cliffs. I just want to go to the movies with you and bum around town a little. You know, get off the rez and hang out with someone different for a change."

Ugh, this kid was starting to worm his way deep into my affections just with his pleading tone of voice and soulful black eyes which had looked at me with such admiration yesterday. I shouldn't let him talk me into this; it was too dangerous both for me and for him. If Billy or the other tribal leaders found out I was spending time with one of their own, they would surely try to find a way to retaliate somehow. Technically, hanging out with Jacob in town wouldn't be in violation of the treaty, since I wasn't planning on killing him or any other human, but I could just imagine the tribe's reaction to that argument, especially that of the "wolf-man".

"Please Bella. You're not doing anything else today except lame chores around the house. Blow 'em off and take me to town with you!"

I sighed deeply. "Alright Jacob, I'll pick you up…"

"Alright!" He cheered into the phone.

"But!" I interrupted his celebration, "I absolutely cannot cross over the line into the reservation, so get someone to take you over the border."

"It's ok. I'll just walk, that way no one can rat me out to dad about where I've been. Pick me up at three ok?"

"Ok, I'll be there right at three," I agreed resignedly.

Jacob laughed, "Don't sound so happy about it, jeez. Lighten up Bella! We'll have tons of fun!"

And with that he hung up the phone and I was left standing in my kitchen listening to the dial-tone. I mechanically placed my phone back into the cradle while chewing thoughtfully on my lip. This was such a bad idea, but I just couldn't say no to that kid. His enthusiasm for life and innate cheerfulness were infectious.

A half-hour later I was ready to go risk my life and pick up Jacob. I had nervously checked outside to confirm that it indeed was dreary and overcast, grabbed a large rain-jacket and my purse, and then headed to the driveway to start up my "new" truck.

The driver's side door opened with a groan, and I slid smoothly onto the high seat. After adjusting the mirrors, I turned the key, and heard the engine turn over in protest. Giving it some gas, I finally felt it catch, and soon I was carefully backing out onto the street.

Driving through Forks and then onto the road that would take me out towards La Push, I kept furtively checking the streets around me, paranoid that someone might look up and realize that I was up to no good. The fact that I was essentially kidnapping a son of my sworn enemies and taking him far away from his family weighed heavily on my conscience.

As I approached the border where only the night previous I had met with the tribal elders, I saw instead the bouncing figure of Jacob Black, all gangly legs and arms, hailing me excitedly from the side of the road. I obediently pulled up and he wrenched open the passenger side door.

"Hey Bella! Glad you made it in one piece!" He greeted me enthusiastically.

"Hey Jake," I gave a self-conscious smile, and tried to hide the fact that I was checking left and right for any sign of another Quileute. It didn't help that this beat-up old red Chevy was the most recognizable vehicle on the rez. Anyone who spotted it would know that I had been here.

Sensing my unease, Jacob merely laughed at me, unafraid of getting caught by his elders. "Loosen up Bells! What's the worst that could happen?"

"You have no idea," I said under my breath darkly, just such a scenario playing out in my mind.

Jacob peered at me suspiciously. "You seem awfully jumpy, you know. Are you afraid of my dad?" He asked incredulously.

I couldn't hide my reaction, my expression pulling down into a wry smile. "Maybe a little," I confessed.

"But that's ridiculous! What could he ever do to you?" Jacob laughed, probably thinking of his dad sitting in his wheelchair, shaking his fist and scolding me like a bad neighborhood kid.

"It's not what he could do to me, Jake," I whispered, "It's what the tribe could do to me."

Jacob sat up straighter and stopped laughing abruptly. "Have…have they actually threatened you?" He asked darkly, his young face looked comically ferocious in anger and indignation.

"They might have had words with me the other night." I confessed again, deciding it would be better to reveal to Jacob just how serious this situation was.

"And this is all because they think you're a cold-one?" He asked blankly, obviously having problems believing that the adults of his tribe were being, in his mind, terribly superstitious.

"I told you over the phone, I'm dangerous. I'm not a good friend for you. If you were smart, you'd listen to the tribe and stay away from me," I argued with him, hoping to convince him that he would be better off making friends on the reservation, hanging out with healthy, growing boys instead of an undead girl, forever sixteen.

Jacob looked at me speculatively from the other side of the truck. I glanced over at him, but he just continued to gaze back at me, lost in thought.

"You know," he finally said, "if I didn't know any better, I'd say you're trying to warn me off like my dad. That you actually believe you really are dangerous. But that doesn't make any sense! You're just a girl!"

"Maybe I am, maybe I'm not…" I replied enigmatically.

"You're saying you're packing something in your pants I should know about?" He asked with a roar of laughter.

"Eww no! You idiot!" I scolded him, rolling my eyes at his maturity. Well he was fourteen after all. I guessed I could expect this kind of humor in the future as well.

After that completely unnecessary joke, the serious atmosphere to the truck-ride seemed to break, and we spent the rest of our time on the road to Port Angeles talking about lighter subjects. Jacob told me all about his friends on the reservation, a couple of guys by the name of Quil and Embry. A question from me about what he had been up to that day before he gave me a call led him into a long passionate discussion about his garage and the work he was doing to an old VW rabbit which he hoped he could finish by the time he was old enough to get his license. I kept him talking, liking his chatter, and also I hoped to try and avoid the conversation turning to me and an inquiry into my adventure traveling from Arizona to Washington.

The miles passed by and soon we were driving through the streets of Port Angeles and I pulled into the small parking-lot beside the three-screen downtown theater. I had very little interest in what was playing, but Jacob enthusiastically pointed out the latest action movie, and again I couldn't say no to him. We paid for our tickets, bought a tub of popcorn which I was happy to let him have all for himself, and found seats in the mostly empty theater. The movie proved to be entertaining, but only because Jacob beside me was such an enthusiastic audience-member. He gushed over the fancy sports cars featured in the film, cheered when the hero pulled off impressive stunts, and leaned over to me and made fun of the movie when the hero and his love-interest exchanged cheesy cliché lines. I laughed along with him, forgetting for those brief two hours about the kind of risk we were taking in spending time together.

Eventually, the movie came to a dramatic conclusion, and Jacob and I stood to filter out of the small theater. Walking out onto the wet sidewalk, we saw that the afternoon drizzle had stopped. Jacob, seeing the break in the weather, grabbed my hand impulsively.

"C'mon Bella, let's walk around a bit and find something else to do."

I looked down at our linked hands, surprised by the warm feeling that flooded through me at the small sign of affection from him. "Sure Jacob, we're already here," I smiled back at him indulgently, not wanting the afternoon of relaxed, normal fun to end.

I couldn't help smiling a small secret smile when we started walking down the street, and instead of dropping my hand, Jake actually entwined his fingers with mine, his hand radiating a pleasing heat into my cold skin. I glanced over at him out of the corner of my eye and saw that he was smiling a little goofily and his normally light-brown cheeks had turned a pink color.

We walked aimlessly for awhile, simply enjoying each other's company. Continuing to chat about the movie, Jake kept me laughing by impersonating the overly-stylized dialog of the main character. Eventually we ended up outside of a kooky new-age bookstore and I convinced him to go in with me for a little while. We had fun pulling strange books and knick-knacks off the shelf, and smothering our laughter behind our hands to keep from irritating the dour looking saleslady behind the front counter.

Once we had had enough of that, we stumbled outside, surprised to see that is was already starting to get dark outside. The streets were pretty empty as the overhead sky looked like a serious thunderstorm was moving in.

"Come on Jake, it's time I took you back home," I tugged gently on Jacob's sleeve, trying to pull him in the direction of the theater parking lot which was several blocks away.

Jacob sighed in resignation. "If you say so. I think we should grab something to eat on the way home though, I'm starving!"

I laughed, "After all that popcorn you ate?" I looked over at him in disbelief.

"Sure! I'm growing after all! I've already gained two inches this summer," he declared proudly.

We continued to joke and laugh as we made our way down the street, failing to take notice of a rough looking crowd of men standing outside of one of the bars we had passed earlier in the day. They were obviously a bunch of locals, looking surly and bored with the usual patrons there on that week-day night. Passing them by, my vampire senses picked up that several members of the group were staring at me insistently, and even whispering lewd comments to each other as they watched me walk. I studiously ignored them, focusing instead on the cheerful boy at my side.

We made it another block when I picked up the sound of several heavy footsteps following at least twenty yards behind us. I suddenly felt a sense of foreboding, the scene from the diner outside of Walla Walla coming to mind. There was no way I wanted another kind of confrontation like that, especially when I was responsible for Jacob's safety as well.

Jake had shyly linked hands with me again while we walked, so I pulled on his hand, whispering under my breath, "Let's move a little faster ok? I think we're being followed…No! don't look!"

Jake had tried to turn his head to look behind us, but at my warning, snapped his gaze back ahead of us. He frowned deeply, looking unafraid, but obviously concerned for our situation.

We had one more block to go, but there was no one else on the street that I could see, everyone ducking inside at the threat of the thunderstorm headed our way. As we picked up our pace, I heard the men behind us match our speed. Looking around us desperately, I thought we could get to the truck faster if we cut through an old abandoned lot that connected to the lot where we were parked. We hurried across the street, but halfway there, our pursuers must have sensed we were close to safety because they suddenly broke out running towards us.

"Run Jake! Get to the truck!" I yelled at my friend, pulling him by the hand, urging him to keep up with me. Of course I could have easily out-distanced the human men, but for the sake of appearances, I held my pace back to match Jacob's. I thought we were going to make it, since Jake was long-legged and in great shape, but I hadn't counted on the fact that we would have to unlock the truck once we got there. Fumbling with the keys, the four men caught up with us, two of them grabbing Jacob and holding him by his biceps.

"Let me go you assholes! What the hell do you think you're doing?!" Jacob roared furiously.

Meanwhile the other two had caged me in with the truck at my back. I looked nervously up at them, already reading their intention on their faces. There would be no way I could talk my way out of this one. I was going to have to fight them off, but without killing anyone.

"Hey Casey, shut that Indian kid up will ya? Jack and I are gonna take our turn with this little girl right here," one of my captors grinned nastily at me.

"Sure thing man," the guy named Casey replied, and then to my horror, he turned suddenly and delivered a punishing blow to poor Jacob's stomach. Jake hung there limply in between the two brutes who were still holding him up by his arms. He gave a great gasp, sucking in the air that had been knocked from him, and choked back involuntary tears that were springing to his eyes.

"Don't you fucking touch her you assholes!" Jacob choked out between pants.

"Be quiet Jacob." I quietly but sternly ordered him. Watching my dear friend Jacob struggle to keep it together, I felt myself growl low under my breath, and a red haze of rage descended over my vision. As soon as the two goons standing in front of me grabbed my jacket in order to drag me back into the alley behind us, I put up my own hands, and gave them both a good shove that sent them flying at least twenty feet where they lay still, stunned from the blow I had given them. Next, I turned and sprinted around the truck and grabbed the other two men by their wrists, putting enough pressure on them to make them let go of Jacob. They both looked back at me, shocked that a small girl could break their hold. The one nearest me swung his other arm to try and knock me out with a blow to my head, but to my own vampire-enhanced vision, his arm was moving ridiculously slow, and I had more than enough time to block his fist and shove him to the ground with a push to his collarbone. I heard a small snap and then the guy I had pushed cried out in pain, clutching his shoulder.

I turned ferociously on the last man standing, daring him with my dark glare to make a move. He held up his hands in front of him in horror, then promptly turned tail and ran off in the other direction. Satisfied that I had successfully defended Jacob without giving away too much of my true strength, I turned back to Jake who was kneeling on the asphalt, looking up at me in confusion.

"Bella?" He asked hesitantly.

I smiled warmly at him, gently grabbing him under his arms and lifting him to his feet like one would a small child that had fallen down. "I'm here Jacob. Those guys aren't going to hurt us now. Let's get in the truck and get out of here ok?"

Jacob numbly did as I asked, shuffling over to his side of the truck which I quickly unlocked. I ran back over to my side, sliding in with grace behind the wheel. In answer to my silent prayers, the truck started with a roar right away, and I backed us out of the parking lot. Just as the heavens opened and the rain started pouring down in sheets, we were heading back down the road to Forks and La Push, the ancient windshield wipers creaking as they furiously moved side to side.

I glanced over at Jacob out of the corner of my eye and was concerned to see him looking pale and wan, his hands clenched tightly in his lap.

"Jake? You ok? Did that guy hit you too hard?" I asked tentatively, hoping he wasn't seriously injured.

"Bella…what the hell happened back there?" Jacob asked, completely ignoring my question.

I frowned tightly, staring intently at the road as I tried to think of a way to best diffuse this situation. I thought briefly about blowing him off, of pretending that what he had seen was a product of his own imagination, but I knew instantly that that wouldn't be fair to him. I had to be as honest as I could.

"I told you before Jake. I'm not a good friend for you. I'm too dangerous," I whispered back softly.

"But…I…and then you…" he stuttered incoherently, looking at me with big confused eyes.

If I could shed tears, I would have at that moment. He looked much more like a scared young kid than a young man, and it was breaking my heart that he was finding out the hard way about secrets that were too big for him.

"I saw you Bella," he said finally, looking at me insistently, as if he were still trying to convince himself of the truth, "You pushed those guys and they flew across the parking lot. Then you broke that other guy's collarbone. How the hell did you do that?"

"You already know how Jacob," I told him, giving him a pointed look, willing him to put all the pieces together and come to the correct conclusion. He looked back at me, his brow furrowed in concentration.

"Your tribe doesn't want you spending time with me, and I have to say that they are right. They have good reason to fear me for what I am. We were lucky today that none of those guys got cut open during the brawl, or the whole thing might have ended differently."

"Then it's true. What my dad said…and the legends…you're a…"

"Say it out loud, Jacob" I bit out tightly in reply.

"Vampire."

I stared straight ahead, keeping my eyes focused on the rain-soaked road, but every one of my acute senses were trained on the boy sitting next to me, trying to gauge his reaction to the incredible truth. The silence stretched like a smothering blanket for the next five minutes, the atmosphere in the cab of the truck feeling choking and oppressive with so many words unsaid.

Finally I couldn't take it anymore and had to ask him. "Jacob, please tell me what you're thinking. I can't stand not knowing what's going on inside of your head right now…"

Jacob made a helpless noise in his throat, obviously still trying to collect his wild thoughts and emotions. "I…I guess it doesn't matter really."

"It doesn't matter?!" I exclaimed incredulously. "Jacob…I'm a monster. A mythical being that should just exist in the legends of your tribe, but instead I'm real. I have super strength, speed, and agility. I sparkle in the sunlight and I drink blood!"

"Do you kill people?" Jacob asked concernedly, looking again like a small young boy.

"No," I said through clenched teeth, "I hunt wild animals and drink from them. But I still suffer from bloodlust which I'm learning to control. I get better at it everyday but I'm still dangerous to humans like you. Your tribe knows this. Your dad and the other elders confronted me last night and demanded that I leave the area or they would retaliate. When I begged them to let me stay here and continue this charade of a normal life, they agreed, making a treaty that they would not bother me, but on the condition that I never enter the reservation and that I never kill a human being. If I violate those terms they will hunt me down. Jacob, I was very reluctant to agree to spend time with you today because while it doesn't violate the treaty, I'm positive your tribe would be furious with me if they found out I had befriended one of their own. Don't you see what a risk it is to be my friend?"

Poor Jacob looked back at me like I had slapped him, and I thought bitterly to myself, I might as well have revealing this kind of hurtful truth about his own people and me, the older girl he liked and admired. After a long minute, he seemed to process all of what I had told him, but instead of looking resigned, his young face pulled down into a stubborn expression.

"It still doesn't matter! You're not evil and you don't kill people. You love Charlie and you saved me from those idiot guys back there. I still think you're amazing, no matter what dad or the tribe says. I still want to be your friend."

"I want to be your friend too, Jake," I whispered back quietly, "But it isn't a good idea. I can't put you in the position where you would have to choose between me and your people. I'm sure they won't stand for your choice, they are dead-set against me."

"Well I'll worry about that later if it ever comes up," he replied.

"I don't think that's a very smart strategy, but I'll leave it up to you," I conceded, giving him a small sad smile.

"So Bella…how did you become a…vampire…I mean you gotta tell me all about it now!" Jacob demanded eagerly, his eyes lighting up in interest to hear what I'm sure seemed to him a great adventure story, worthy of the movies.

I grimaced in pain, hardly wanting to bring back those terrible memories of Renee's death and my transformation, but for Jake's sake, I would fulfill his curiosity, and hopefully impress upon him the seriousness of my condition, stripping away all of the supposed glamour and mystique.

"It's not like that Jake. I mean, it wasn't cool or exciting at all. I lost Renee to these two vampires, and I barely got away myself alive. I had been bitten and the pain of the transformation was the worst thing I've ever experienced. I woke up alone in the desert, without help, and confused as to what I had become. I'll never forget those days, the loneliness and horror of fighting my bloodlust."

"Wow…I don't know what to say…" Jacob stuttered back, obviously surprised to hear about my suffering, struggling to enter into my feelings as far as his limited fourteen years and innocence would allow him to.

"It's ok Jacob. I've come to terms with a lot of it. I just want you to understand that there's nothing cool about what happened to me."

"Well tell me about how you got here then," he insisted, still thinking that there must be hidden adventure somewhere in my life.

I smiled at that, and told him all about my trek north from Arizona, meeting Jed and Antoine, the near-miss I had with the coven in Idaho, fighting the bikers in Walla Walla, and then finally arriving here. He was a good audience, asking questions and laughing and groaning in all the right places. By the time my story came to a close, we had reached the border of the reservation again, so I stopped by the side of the road to drop him off.

With one hand on the door handle, Jake turned to me, looking me seriously in the eye, "Bella, I meant what I said. This doesn't change anything. I still want to be your friend and spend time with you."

I smiled softly at him, appreciating his fierce devotion, even though I was sure if would get him into trouble soon. "Thanks Jake. I want to be your friend too. Maybe we'll be able to work it out."

Jacob grabbed my hand, gave it a strong squeeze, and then exited the truck, heading back towards the reservation.


End file.
